W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!
Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

BiBi's Daddy Got Her Money

OOh, Child... BiBi, look what you went and did by not listening to White Chocolate. You got your daddy in control of all your stuff, and K-Diddy got them kids.

Now, THAT second thang about the kids ain't so bad. After all, who really wants to do more than VISIT with kids? Besides, like, people who live in the 'burbs. Let K-Diddy do all the heavy lifting.

But what about your MONEY? IF you had listened to W.C., we could be out, get our hair done, and our nails did, going dranking, dancing, going on multi-hundred dollar shopping sprees at Wal-Mart or whatever your favorite store is, and eating as many derned "Cheetos" as we want.

I heard your daddy is paying himself multiple thousands per month. W.C. will do the job for half what he's making. Let me holla at your judge!

DEAR NERDS

FYI, and R.I.P. to this dude, Gary Gygax, who was a co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.W.C. got kicked out of her only game of "Dungeons and Dragons" because some of the nerd-players took offense to W.C. trying to kill all the other game characters, and because W.C. got chicken-wing grease all over the dice, and also she drank up the nerds' beers, and didn't take the game seriously enough. *Whatever!*

For realz though, this is sad because this guy was probably real creative, and he made a lot of nerds happy.

Happy Belated Balentimes!

Oh LAWD, I totally forgot to wish ya'll a Happy Valentine's Day (a/k/a Balentimes).

But, you KNOW that all that chocolate at Walgreens goes on say AFTER February 14th, right?

QUESTION: Why does the full-priced chocolate seem like it tastes better than 1/2 priced chocolate the day after V-Day?

WC heard, AFTER THE FACT, that somebody had asked an acquaintance of WC's about being her Balentime. OH HELL NO. Why you didn't tell me, trick?

I missed out on Necco talky-hearts, or Red-hots, or a Scooby Doo Balentime, or even a fancy silken rose. Or, if this was a real, quality Balentime, W.C. coulda got her EAT and DRANK on! Surf & Turf, baby!

Well, whatever. Here is your V-Day Prezzie, which I stole offa the internetz:

OK, I'ma go to Walgreen's now and get my sugar-buzz on......................... Heart-shaped Whitman's Sampler, here I come! I'll give ya'll the ones I poke my finger into and don't like.

By the way, thanks for keeping on looking out for WC to write something. WC been real busy [lazy], because the weather outside here in The M-I-A is niiiiiice, and I keep waking up under a palm tree, like a crackhead. I'll try to holla at you a little more frequently, tho.

There is always something for WC to talk about!

Kisses, hugs, hearts, kittens, rainbows, unicorns, Surf n' Turf, and DRANK,

W.C.

Eugoogelizing young hot talented people sucks.

Oh hell no!
We have lost Heath Ledger, who was an all around hot and talented dude, including when he was a hot gay cowboy. W.C. is truly shocked, appalled, and saddened at the loss of a hot man such as this... and in the same week as Josh Renfro... who was more on the B list, but not un-hot or un-talented by any means.

Kids! Pills are to be respected, and AVOIDED. Now, in olden times, W.C. would eat a pill indiscriminately, like Miss Lady PacMan... but that don't make it right, or smart!

Note: Elvis, Marylin Monroe, Jimmy Hendrix, and a ton of other people done expired prematurely due to pills. If you need to take pills, W.C. suggests TicTacs, or Altoids. That will fulfill your oral pill-popping fixation, and ALSO help your breath stankness.

For real, though. The Dark Knight movie with Heath as the Joker is probably gonna be awesome, but sad now. R.I.P. Heath, which, by the way is one of the best candy bars in existence.

W.C. has a tear in her beer.

W.C.'s - Style O' the Week #12 - Nails Did!

White Chocolate is always ALL UP in the Internetz, and sometimes she finds some interesting stuff. Case in point:This is a photo of a chick called Coko from the old school singin' group SWV. Sadly, W.C. don't remember them.

Anyhow, W.C. stole the photo and caption from one of W.C.'s favorite bloggers, Rich of FourFour. Here is the link to his blog, which should knock your socks off, if you have ever watched ANTM, or ProjRun, or if you like cats or dance music.

Anyhow, just LOOK at them nails! That takes work, seriously! W.C. would get them all tangled in her hair in no time!

SIGHTINGS! Famous people W.C. done seen

Hey Ya'll! It's almost the NEW YEAR, and WC is busy with the PARTAY season!

Still, I had to pop in and let ya'll know about my famous-person sighting today...

I was at The News Cafe on Ocean Drive today, with my homegirl, Sh'Annelle.

We had the best seats in the house, and were enjoying a fine winter morning on Miami Beach. It's never too early in the morning for champagne, let me tell you.

So then, the day got EVEN MORE fabulous, when Queen Latifah, a/k/a Dana Owens, came and sat down with the couple at the table next door! OH YES SHE DID. She was looking PURTY, and fresh-faced, and she had some big, sparkly earrings.

WC was super-jealous. For realz. Miss Dana sent back her scrambled eggs, because they was hard. But she was super sweet about it! And they WAS hard, too! I could see.

If ya'll don't hear from me before January the First, then have a HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!

Oh LAWD. WC done been in a weddin'!

The bride (Ms. W.O.B.) was lovely, and the groom (Mr. B.B.) was frightening (and neither will be depicted here because neither will agree to be associated with WC beyond "family" events), but WC was really in her element, don't you agree?

And none other than that hootchie 5 Dolla was another of the Bridesmaids:
She is a really something, ain't she??? Dominick Centaur (dressed as a Goth Extraordinarre) and Bn Bn (fresh of the boat from Myanmar) were there, too. It was an allstar cast of characters. A real wedding, can you believe it??? This lends a great deal of credibility to W.C.

She got her nails done, hair did, and everything!

WC is Back, and Corey Haim is Still Wack

WC is back, from a long trip, where WC was in a real live wedding! True story. I got my nails done, AND my hair did. It was the social event of the year!

Photos will follow, but only if WC looks purty in any of them. Otherwise, you'll have to just use your imagination.

In the meantime, for no good reason, check out this super 80's photo of Corey Haim and Corey Feldman:

WC's bestest friend (and occasional arch-nemesis) 5 Dolla used to LOVE Corey Haim back in the day, and WC never understood it. 5 Dolla had Tiger Beat photos of him all over her walls. It was basically a Shrine O' Haim.

So funny!

Even by 80's middle school standards, the Coreys were wack!

Holla at WC: Ramon edition

Ok, so a long time ago, one of W.C.'s "fans" named Ramon the Pool Boy asked W.C. a question, which W.C. didn't answer and so it somehow allegedly caused Ramon the Pool Boy to get deported.

Oops. But not really, because how is Ramon gonna try to get his deportation advice from a bona-fide par-tay girl?

Here is his question:

bye de wey i tink i habe a cuestion regardin soneteen importan. do choo no any peepls that can hel me get a green car? i need a green car so mosh eets not fony. to work and to do all de eh-stof dat peepls do heer in the choonited eh-states. been de wise and bootiful mamacita dat choo ar maybe choo no sone peepl dat no sone peepl no? green cars are har to come by ese truss me Ramon noes. can choo hel me WC get in toush wid soneone wid a green car?

Blah, blah, blah. Say what? And then he got all huffy when W.C. ignored him, and he wrote again:

hey mami, how com choo no answer no more eh? orale!!!! ramoncito no write to choo no more. i want a green car.

W.C. doesn't believe that Ramon will stop writing as promised, and figures she'll have to answer him to get him to "CALLATE."

OK, Ramon. W.C. don't even know exactly what you're talking about (ever), because your accent is inscrutable, W.C. suggests that Ramon get in touch with this guy:

Green Car! BOO-YA!

Oh, and Ramon.... if you don't want to get deported again, you should find yourself a nice U.S. citizen to trick into marrying you. BUT LAWD, NOT W.C.! Don't even THINK about it!

BloBi and BruBi, the Wonder Twins

Everybody be asking: "Hey, WC, why are you not talking about BiBi's crazy antics?" Well, WC has been on a spiritual journey of her own. No, I won't go into details, but it involved cheetos, a case of canned sparkling wine, and a wave-runner.

It seems to WC that BiBi has at least two personalities. There is Blonde BiBi (BloBi) and Brunette BiBi (BruBi). Each one gets into their own different messes.

BruBi commits a hit-and-run, while the next day across town, BloBi is dropping a baby on it's poor little soft head. BruBi shaves her head, while BloBi "performs" for the VMA's.
Neither of these two wonder-hootchies realize that it's the year 2007, on planet Earth, or that it's generally considered unseemly to smoke crack naked in front of one's babies.
Ya'll, W.C. just got back from a Cheetos-and-canned-wine-spiritual-sabbatical, and even W.C. understands these life lessons.

And the OTHER thing W.C. knows:

BIBI IS STILL COPYING W.C....

Did you all KNOW that W.C. has an alter ego??? Shocking, I know. But yes, it's true. And now you know.

Dale's Gonna Do the Dew

According to AutoWeek, Dale, Jr. is gonna be driving the MOUNTAIN DEW car, No. 88! Wow, two of W.C.'s favorite things, cute Dale JR. and delicious Mountain Dew, together at last.
Christmas came early for W.C. this year. Oh, speaking of Christmas/Solstice/Holiday celebrations, check out how you can make a Mountain Dew sody-can Christmas Tree!

Ain't it a beautiful thing, ya'll!? Ya'll best start drinking the Dew so you can be ready come December. W.C. will help if you need it.

BiBi Spears Still Copying W.C.'s Style

Uh huh. Girl, you are busted.

Here is the evidence that you are still trying to copy W.C.:

1) Rumors are flying that you didn't want your hair to be blonde for the VMA's. You wanted to get your hair did dark. Your "people" made you go blonde. You know you love W.C's dark n' lovely locks.

2) You got your DRINK on right before dancing. A classic W.C. move.

3) You eschewed the wardrobe choice of your handlers, who wanted to cover up your chunk. Instead, you chose to let it all hang out, with lots of bling. Again, a classic W.C. move.

4) The song you did was "Gimme More" which W.C. says all the time, especially when talking about Nachos, Hot Dogs, or Champagne.

5) BiBi, do you NEED any more comparisons? Girl, wake up! You do your thang, and let W.C. along do her own thing! We gotta deal? Don't make us break down all of the dance moves you done STOLE from W.C. during your "performance"...

Tyra Needs A Stylist, or Else She's Looking for a Man-Sasquatch

Oh Lawd! Tyra Banks, you need to stop yourself:


What were you trying to go for with this look? It is ostrich-inspired? Is the shoulder fur scented with pheromones to attract yourself a man-squatch?

You coulda looked 75% better with a nice wig or fake ponytail, and some purty black peep toe sandals. Why are you wearing booties???

OMG, it's the toes, isn't it? You forgot to get your toes did, didn't you? I bet you have some crusty, scraggly, unpedicured, stank feets up in those boots? Oh Snap.

Girl, how you gonna tell a bunch of America's Next Top Model wannabees how to dress themselves and pretend to be models, and you can't even get yourself ready for a par-tay!?

Poor Butterscotch Stallion!

OMG, get well soon, Butterscotch Stallion! Think about that movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." Remeber it? Well, without you, we'd have no Hansel (Zoolander), nor the dude you played in The Life Acquatic with Steve Zissou, nor the dude you played in The Royal Tennenbaums, nor the dude you played in The Wedding Crashers.

And your brothers would miss you. Your nose may be shaped a bit weird, but WC thinks that gives you character, sort of like WC's big-giant feet.

If you want someone to hang out with, WC will totally keep you company.

We can draw mustaches on all photos of Kate Hudson. We can eat pints of Cherry Garcia and fly kites and look for 4 leaf clovers in the park. We can make our own suede moccasins, and create art works involving plaster casts of each others faces. We can roast hot dogs and marshmallows over a campfire.

We totally can be BFFs, now that WC is trying to put some distance between herself and BiBi Spears, so that WC don't get subpoenaed by K-Fed!

Be well, for realz.

Guuuuuurl, You Can Dance!

Sabra won So You Think You Can Dance!Guuuuuurl, you can dance! Me, Wild Oats, 5 Dolla, and Dominick C. were pretty much in agreement that Sabra would win. She has it all, and can dance any kind of style.

Another great season, and only like 10 more months until the next season!

Florida Happenings: WC Will Eat Your Pet

There is a dude in Miami Beach who carries a rooster named Mr. Clucky all around Miami Beach and Lincoln Rd.

Exhibit A (courtesy of the above link):
WC has seen this dude with his bird. He carries it under his arm while he rides a bike on Lincoln. He shows it off to kids and grown-ups who inquire. Mr. Clucky even has a MySpace page, apparently.

Now, WC done grown up around chickens, has seen them go in the stew pot and the fryer, and has been attacked by several different hens and roosters over time.

WC knows chickens. Chickens are mean and STANK. This guy should have named his rooster McNugget.

Paris Hilton & A Llama: Separated at Birth???

Somebody said to WC:

"Hey, don't you think Paris Hilton looks like a llama?"


And WC thought about it...

And WC did some research...

And WC agrees.

What do ya'll think?

So Ya'll Think You Can Dance

I lurrrve that show, "So You Think You Can Dance".

You know why I lurrrve SYTYCD? Because that TV show's about DANCING, fools! WC lurrrves dancing more than Justin Timberlake. Much more!

If you have been watching SYTYCD, you know it is now down to only 6 dancers: Lauren, Danny, Sabra, Pasha, Niel, and Danny.

The two most recently booted dancers are Sara:

and Dominic:
I felt that the right decision was made with regard to B-Girl Sara and B-Boy Dom. Both were fantastic little dancers, but they just got out-performed by the others in their all-around dancing. W.C. wishes them luck, and vehemently disputes that flirty-pants Dominic was actually kissing his dance partners during two different dance numbers, as claimed by 5 Dolla.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN? WC doesn't know, but suspects the next two to be eliminated will be Pasha the Russian, and Lauren.

Ya'll might think I am wasting my time, watching a television program like this, but really it's just a rigorous training program for when I try out.

Hey, Sabra's only been dancing for 4 years, and she got onto the show! W.C.'s been dancing a lot longer than that...

The Truth Comes Out: BiBi and W.C. --- Separated at Birth???

10 reasons to be suspicious: BiBi likes to DRANK. BiBi likes SUNGLASSES. BiBi likes to DANCE. BiBi Likes to CURSE. BiBi likes TACOS. BiBi got a WIG. BiBi chews GUM. BiBi ain't got time for no KIDS. BiBi lurves JUSTIN. BiBi's flip flops STANK.
Compare to WC: WC likes to DRANK. WC likes SUNGLASSES. WC likes to DANCE. WC Likes to CURSE. WC likes TACOS. WC got a WIG. WC is from the SOUTH. WC chews GUM. WC ain't got time for no KIDS. WC lurves JUSTIN. WC's flip flops STANK.
Did ya'll think that MAYBE the reason ya'll haven't heard from WC lately is because she is the new BFF of BiBi??? Well, it sure seems possible........

But no.

The TRUTH is that BiBi appears to be Single White Female-ing W.C.... The evidence speaks for itself. Feel free to point out additional evidence in the comments.

And REMEMBER: White Chocolate was DOING CRAZY while BIBI was still in the MICKEY MOUSE CLUB.