Thursday, September 21, 2006

GHET-TOES, Exhibit #1

Ooooh, those are some GHET-TOES! Don't go thinking those are MY toes, now. Boys and girls, you KNOW WC loves to get her toenails did, with some airbrush details and sparkles . Did you know they make press-on toe-nails? They do. They got them down at the Magik Mall. Perhaps this is what this crusty-toed subject needs. And perhaps shave down them corns. And most of all, a WAX!!! Yes, look closely people and see the HAIRS! Ooh, lawd!

I think this could be a continuing series. If you have a photo of some ghet-toes, email them to WC.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Tall Car: Dayuuum!

WC was ridin' around on I-95 this past weekend, and lookie here at what she saw! In case you cain't read the yellow sign on the back, it says "How High Are You?" and WC suspects somebody was seriously in an altered state when they decided this was a good idea. As a side note, WC wanna meet the driver. He was lookin' sorta like a Puerto-Rican Justin Timberlake. Wooooooo!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

WC needs to get her hair did

HELP!!! I need to get my hair did! This is basically how it look right now, except more messed up. Yeah, I am still FINE and LOVELY. But I could be finer. I been to,, and some other places. I looked at different weaves, and braids, and styles... There are two problems: 1) Cain't decide. 2) Cain't afford. Oh hell, ya'll... Going to parties is fun, but it don't pay the rent, and neither do I... HA HA!

Seriously though, WC solicits your advice on which new hairstyle to choose... And uh.... donations will be accepted. There will be fundraisers! First, there gonna be a Kool-Aid, boiled p-nut, and Kash n' Karry cupcake sale, intermittantly, on the corner of Mercy and Colonial in Pine Hills, or Hwy 50 and Hwy 27 in Cleremont (wherever I can get a ride to). But don't make me resort to selling my *bling* on eBay, damn! This fundraising activity shall continue until I reach my goal of fabulous new hair... SHOW YOUR SUPPORT, bitches!

Monday, September 11, 2006

GHETT-O-METER: Quiz yoself, fool!

Somebody emailed this quiz to W.C...

1. You've ever used an album cover for a dustpan. (5 points)
ANYTHING FLAT CAN BE USED AS A DUSTPAN. Be creative: Think outside the box, yo!

2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street. (10 points)
Wearing shoes is overrated. I loooooove my platforms, but that Payless junk be cutting into my corns if I dance on'em too long. Plus, shoes are the single biggest cause of toe-jam. I say, only wear shoes when you going out to da clu b. Or someplace like the corner store, cause they floor is sticky. Eww! When I saw pictures of Britney at Texaco in the bathroom without shoes on I wanted to turn that girl over my knee. Girl! That's nasty!

3. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
Nope, don't know whatchoo talking about, but I do know that $1.06 @ the 7-11 = 20 Fireballs! Lawdy that's HOT! We had to buy candy that lasted a long time.

4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
All I am gonna say is a peach switch stings, yo! Ooow!

5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school. (2 points)
Only when I missed that damned bus because I couldn't get the damned pig to go into the damned crate.

6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5 points)
Palmolive, you're soaking in it! If it makes bubbles, it counts as a bubble bath, don't it????????

7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made (5 points).
Naaaahhh.... I wait for somebody elses' ass to mix up the kool aid and then I drink it up! HA HA HA!

8. If you have ever played any of the following games: hide and go seek, freeze, tag, Momma may I? or red light/green light. (2 points each)
Yeah, so what!?

9. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell)
This is one of da things in my life that is a painful, painful memory. We lived in da woods, and i could HEAR the ice cream man THROUGH the woods... A haunting, echoing melody... No ice cream for poor little W.C... Poh-bray-cee-tah!

10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5 points)
Hell no. Who says that? Clearly, it's "Nowerladers." NOWERLADERS, got it!?

11. If you've ever run from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
Nawwww, you gotta play NICE with the po-po.

12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove. (5 points + 15 if you still do it)
Hell No! Dust and nastiness gets into your bacon grease if you do that. You GOTTA keep yo grease in the FRIGIDAIRE or FREEZER. Put a little on collard greens, mustard greens, turnip greens, pot of beans, fried eggs, really anything tastes better with a little bacon grease added to it.

13. The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
So?! Tape was invented for a fricken reason, wasn't it!?

14. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge.
Whatever they spray on you when you walk through Macy's. It's called Chanel "Gratis"...

15. You've ever used Tussy. (5 points)
I don't even know what that is, but it SOUNDS dirty. Who wrote this quiz???

16. You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)
Gimme the gas....!!!

17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man, Kay-Kay, lee-lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, etc.(10 points)
BEN BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
No comment.

19. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
This question is too vague. What constitutes "house shoes"? Shoes are shoes. And how far out of the house constitutes being outside of the house??? If I am standing on my front steps, or out in the yard, or walking down the street right quick to borrow some milk, that's not really leaving home.

20. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt,ruint, etc.) (5 points)
WC SEZ: Linguistic creativity is a good thing. HA HA, ya'll didn't think I could bust out with a work like "linguistic" did ya'll?? Gimme some credit, yo, I watch those cable-access classes when I get home from my parties.... Hypotenuse, bitches!

21. You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people ( for example Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em). (5 points)
Whatever. What you tryin to say, Quiz-Writer? You trying to call me ghetto???

22. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (5points)
It's STILL A TIRE. If it ain't flat, it's a tire. DAMN. The car drives the same, so what's the problem?!

23. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (10 points)
I ain't got no kids!!! I do like to carry a pacifier, made of grape, cherry, or sour apple candy. If it fell on the ground, I would run it under the water-hose for a minute.

24. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10 points)
Hell no. My hair goes on the wig-haid when I am done with it.

25. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)
That's a compliment to the chef if you take they food with you.

26. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5 points)
I stopped getting my nails did long after I poked myself in the eye that time when I wuz dancing.

27. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (10 points)
No gold teeth: They don't look good in photographs.

28. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (15 points)
No kids. Oh my goodness, you imagine a WC Jr.? I'ma skerred.

29. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
How else can I know who been calling here and hanging up?

30. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
How the hell do I know who is alive and daid? Shoot, he could be either one. I ain't SEEN him daid.

31. If you are going to have to use a calculator to add your points. (25points)
WC refuses to tally up these points. WC *transcends* all labels. EVERYBODY got a little bitta ghetto in'em anyway. And you KNOW this!

....Now the results totals, according to WC.....

0 - 50 points - I say weave, you immediately think fabric...
51 - 75 points - You would not think of Dollar Tree as a solid starting place when shopping for your underwear and/or shoes.
76 - 150 points - Your closet holds a head-to-toe Fendi signature print outfit. And you have worn all of it, together.
150 points or more - You best meet WC down at the Magik Mall this weekend, so we can get our hair did.