Wednesday, May 30, 2007

JT Has a Business Venture

Justin Timberlake is launching his own record label! Who does he think he is? Sean "Puff-Daddy" "Puffy" "P-Diddy" "Diddy" Coombs?

Well, good for Justin, but W.C. doesn't understand the name of JT's new label:


What does the TEN stand for? Ten fingers and ten toes? That's about average for most people, so it can't be that.

Perfect ten? OOh, that would be conceited!

Shouldn't it be something like SexyBack Recordings? I dunno. Help a girl out! We gotta get Justin on the right track!

You know what else this means? A pity-album for BiBi Spears! Woo hoo! I'ma get my dance on!

Friday, May 25, 2007

You found White Chocolate, your search is over.

W.C. subscribes to Site Meter (you can see their visitor counter down at the bottom of the page). Site Meter lets W.C. know how people find her blog, and, for example, which search terms people use to find it. Some of these search terms made W.C. LAUGH AND LAUGH!

The all-time most popular search leading to W.C.'s blog is:

---"ghet-toes" and/or "ghet toes" (that's very expected, because W.C. loves pointing out people's ghet-toes!)

Some of the other ones you might find interesting include:

---"types of cheetos" (which is fitting, because W.C. knows EVERYTHING about cheetos).

---"ni's chocolate" (which W.C. doesn't understand at all).

---"mcconaughey gossiping" (which makes sense, because W.C. LOVES to gossip about hot mens).

---"kiddy tine nest" (which W.C. REALLY doesn't understand AT ALL, and if this means something nasty in another language, W.C. apologizes).

---"dominick centaur" (it only came up once, which W.C. thinks was just due to my friend of the same name checking out his searchability, which is totally legit... W.C. does that on a daily basis... but this is a fact that only D.C. himself can confirm or deny).

---"coleslaw wrestling 2007" (which----just wait until 2008, because W.C. wants to be all UP in that coleslaw to win the $500!!!, assuming a good wig can be found that won't come off during the greasy cabbage scrapping).

---"brazilian wax" (which unfortunately, WC knows waaay too much about... Ay ay ay!).

---"barefooted" (which is how W.C.'s friend BiBi Spears likes to be).

And finally.........................................

---"apopka hottest bitches" (which, it probably goes without saying, is W.C.'s MOST FAVORITIST SEARCH, EVER, BY A LONG SHOT!).

Ain't that something? Ain't the Internetz amazing?! Someone out there was looking for Apopka's hottest B's, and they found THE MOST HOTTEST ONE!

Your search is over, Mr. or Mrs. Internet-User! Your search is over.

George Clooney is a man-ho.

George Clooney is a man-ho! This news is a bit old, but bears repeating. G.C. kissed a woman cause her man paid George $350,000! LAWD, that is a bundle of clams!

Matt Damon's all "Dude, George, I woulda loaned you money if I had known you were hard up, buddy."

The brown headed hootchie kissing my man is all like "alrhlahalahalha" with her tongue. Eww.

The nice blonde lady with the green dress is like, "Heeeeeey, baby? What you give me for one million dollars?"

And George is like, "Arrrgh! I think the reflections of your chartreuse sequins gave me migrane headache! What a friggen' shame. Let me get back to you on that." (LOL, just kidding, Ellen Barkin but damn that's a shiny dress).

YO GEORGE! W.C. gots three-fitty for you!

Three dollas and fifty cents, that is. For that amount, will you at least wave at me from across the room???

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Stank Report, South Beach Edition

W.C. is BACK! I owe an "Ask W.C." answer to at LEAST two people, and both of them questions are/were time sensitive. DOH!

W.C. will get on to that task, but in the meantime, here is a camera-phone pic taken on beeyootiful South Beach:

LAWD! You know it gets HOT down here, right? You know it's seriously tropical in these here parts of the United States. Well how the HELL you gonna put your STANK shoes up in the back window of your car?

You know the sun is gonna heat them up, and release a cloud of FOOT FUNK in your auto!

Even if you are homeless, and living out of your car (which sometimes happens in SoBe), please put those shoes in the trunk, baby!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Hammer Time!

Katie Holmes is purty. She got a purty child. She got a purty girly-man as her wedded husband and alleged baby-daddy. She got purty friends, and purty clothes, and purty shoes. But her feet???
THEM FEET GOTS TO GO! And I know my friend DWC ain't gonna be happy that I am back on feet, but day-um... "Ms. AU" sent these via the email, and WC couldn't possibly pass up the chance to comment.

Since WC seen these toes, all I can think of is MC Hammer, Hammer-time, Det. Mike Hammer from Sledgehammer, and a Ham-and-Cheese Sammich with some CORN chips (but that one is just because WC is hongry).

Katie! GURL, have your man go get you some Dr. Scholl's! You are too purty to have them STANK TOES.


Saturday, May 05, 2007

BiBi wears ugly clothes

Girl, that top looks like you got it at Guess Closeout Factory store off of the 2-for-$9.99 rack.
You watch America's Next Top Model? Cause my girl Dionne was wearing a top like that a few weeks back and she like to have gotten herself thrown off the show! Is that why you look sad, girl? Don't worry, Dionne got herself together, and you can too.

I know you still got that Louisiana Mall Mentality, and being from modest means I can feel you on that, but you got money now! That's why you signed that pre-nup! Shop like you got some real money in your pocket once in a while!

We got a saying where I am from: "GIRL, SOMEBODY DONE LIED TO YOU."

Get thee to Rodeo Drive, and go with someone who will TELL YOU THE TRUTH. Better yet, come down to Miami and go shopping at the Macy's at Dadeland. There's one real sweet Cuban sales lady who works up in the DKNY department or thereabouts, and she WILL tell you how it is. She says: "Oh no, baby. I don like thees ones for you" and will bring you something much purtyer to try on, and THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.

Don't be trying to fool WC now---*I* can tell the difference between Gucci and Fucchi.