Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

This is no longer Breaking News, but WC feels she should comment on the untimely (?) death of Michael Jackson. WC dug MJ unconditionally, even if he was weird. WC is weird (and misunderstood), too.

WC liked this MJ:WC liked this MJ, too:
WC even liked THIS MJ: TOP 10 things WC will fondly remember about Michael Jackson:

1) The Glove
2) The other MJ fashions, like fantastic sparkled marching band and military inspired jackets
3) The singin'.
4) The dancin' (all the MOVES, including the moonwalk).
5) We are the World, We are the Children (WC has sung this when she's drankin')
6) THE WIZ... THE FRICKEN WIZ!
7) MJ's kids, since MJ seems to be the kind of parent WC would be. Naming a kid Blanket or Princess WC, Jr., making them wear masks, dangling them over a hotel balcony, etc.
8) Parasols. WC is afraid of the sun, and if WC were to come out in the daylight she'd appreciate a good parasol like MJ did, especially if there's someone else (like a manservant or porter) to shade me with it.
9) The weird MJ stories, like the oxygen chamber, the Elephant Man's bones, and Bubbles the chimp.
10) WC would also like to chill at Neverland Ranch.

But one thing WC will never understand is why MJ liked hangin' around with all them kids. Kids are nasty, loud, stank li'l goblins, who don't respect their elders. DRINK THE JEEBUS JUICE and go to sleep 'cause WC gotta hit the town! Hahahaha. J/K, kids. WC luvs ya'll... from afar.

But WC digresses. MJ was huge, no matter how you look at it, and if he had hung out with WC she'da probably chased off that snake oil doctor who had injected him with all them drugs.

R.I.P.

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

WC's Florida Happenings: The Ol' McNugget Switcharoo

OK Ya'll. Did you hear how a lady in Ft. Pierce called 9-1-1 because the McDonald's ran out of McNuggets? (Click the link to read the story, and hear the audio).

So this lady, named Latreasa L. Goodman, paid for her McNuggets... and then all of a sudden, they didn't have any more McNuggets. Supposedly they tried to get her to order something else that was not McNuggets that cost the same as McNuggets, like a McDouble, and said they couldn't refund her money. Ummmm....

OK, FIRST, a "McDouble" is NOT anywhere close to being McNuggets. No other item on the McDonald's menu is close. McNuggets are their own food group. Also, adding a "small" fry on top of that is insulting, even through Latreasa ordered a small fry to begin with. A small fry is what you get when you just want to wet the inside of your mouth with a little bit of delicious salt and grease, and NOT what you should be offered when your McNugget rug has just been yanked out from under your feet. Super Size that lady's fries! Duh.

Second, if you are hungry for McNuggets, and you went into McDonalds, and ordered McNuggets, and you paid for McNuggets, and you are expecting McNuggets, and your mouth is watering for McNuggets, and then you don't get any McNuggets, THAT IS AN EMERGENCY! For realz.

Now, WC LURVES Mickey D's. And WC ESPECIALLY loves McNuggets. No matter how mad or sad you may be, McNuggets will make it better. WC is not trying to speak ill of that venerable institution as a whole. But c'mon, McDonald's of Ft. Pierce! You should have given Latreasa's money back. More importantly, you shoulda warned her ahead of time that you didn't have McNuggets. Even MORE importantly, you should have re-ordered the McNuggets before you ran out of them.

A McDonald's without McNuggets is pointless.

Let me end up on a happier note by telling you a nice story about McDonald's: WC had ordered a Super Size Fry, and sat down to eat it with a big ol' pile of ketchup, and it were pretty derned good, except then all of a sudden a McDonald's employee came over with a tray of a BRAND NEW HOT FRIES and apologized that the last fries might have been a bit cool. Of course, WC ate both the old fries and the new hot fries.

Now THAT was some serious customer service, and that is also why WC wears the stretchy pants.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Ooooh LAWD, it has been a long time!

Ok, WC apologizes for the loooooong absence, since x-mas time. No excuses, I was just bein lazy, eatin' cheetos, drinking champagne straight from the wonderful champagne mini-bottles, and watching The Bachelor and Mama's Boys on the television, or the "tell-lay" as they say in England, according to my (allegedly) English hootchie-friend Shell-lay, who ya'll don't know.

Anyhow, ya'lls who are reading this deserve an update, and the least WC can do is to show off the special xmas presents that 5 Dolla made for WC and the whole gang!!! 5 Dolla got an email from somewheres about making your own xmas prezzies for less money than if you bought em in the store. And SURE ENOUGH! 5 Dolla went and out-did herself. Oh yes she did!
EXHIBIT A:
Yes.... those are PERSONALIZED MAXI PAD SLIPPERS FOR WC!!!!!!!!!!!

EXHIBIT B:
The slippers, modeled. Now ya'll know that WC's shoe size is "extra-long nighttime maxi without wings"..... These slippers feature glitter paint, and sandpaper soles for traction. That girl thought of everything!

EXHIBIT C:
EVERYBODY got special, purty, sparkley "ghet-toes" slippers from 5 Dolla this year----Oats, BB, NiNi, Z-Dawg, Double-D, and WC, of course. It was glorious. As that hootchie Shell-lay might say in her horrendous accent, which I believe is fake: "Gawd bless us, ev-ray one."

Hope to holla at you kids again soon.... but right now WC has to concentrate on wiping the cheeto dust offa this keyboard.

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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

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Friday, December 05, 2008

BiBi had a Birthday

Happy Birthday to BiBi. Oh, what? WC is BELATED in conveying these birthday wishes? Well, where was BiBi when it was WC's birthday, hmmmm? No card, no cake, no nothing. Bee-yotch!But seriously girl, congratulations on surviving to your 27th. Even them pumpkin-headed KIDS of yours survived to your 27th! I credit K-Fed for that.

WC took the liberty of writing out a birthday list for you. If anyone wants to help out BiBi, just send these items "care of" WC.

---calorie-free cheetos
---A better weave (hair done)
---A better manicure (nails did)
---champagne (WC will have to drink this for BiBi since she's rehabbed)
---7 Minutes in Heaven with Justin Timberlake
---Birthday dinner: Some baby back ribs in some goooood sauce, with a side of tater salad.
---a billion dollars (of course, WC will need manage this $$ for BiBi like her Daddy already does with her other $$).

And by the way, BiBi... it's clear to us all that you done lost your sparkle. Where is it? You better find it! May this be the year you get your sparkle back!

XOXO (yeah, WC watches Gossip Girl),
WC

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Monday, October 13, 2008

Another Imposter???

This weekend, W.C. went to Starbucks to stock up on cheese danish samples, free brown napkins, free Splenda packets, etc., when WHAT DID SHE SPY WITH HER LITTLE EYE?

This!

THIS!!!
LAWD!!! Yes, that's right folks. It's a big, huge White Chocolate Impersonator! W.C. wishes she coulda got a picture of this hootchie's face, but it was too difficult from her vantage point, hiding behind the Half & Half at the coffee-fixins counter.

Also, W.C. woulda confronted her, but that was one huge bitch! In FLAT SHOES,The Imposter was well over six feet tall, and W.C. was wearing flip flops, so W.C. was only a moderately huge bitch. You cain't be gettin in no fights wearing no flip flops.

One thing that disturbs W.C.? This Imposter was NOT wearing a WIG. That is her everyday hur, not just her going-out hur! Does that make W.C. The Imposter?!?!?! Oh snap!

This could be the hootchie who stole them Fritos and got W.C. throwed in the jailhouse!!!

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Thursday, August 21, 2008

W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and
HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!

Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

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