For the record....

White Chocolate does NOT have Bieber Fever.

Bieber has nothing on JT!!!

NATIONAL WHITE CHOCOLATE DAY!

Oh my GOOOOOODNESSS!

Today, September 22, is National White Chocolate Day, and nobody even done TOLD ME!

Well, in honor of my WC's new favorite day of the year, WC has updated her blog template. Ain't it PURTY???

All My Chirrun

W.C. was up in the Seffner Wal-Mart on Easter Sunday.

(By the way, have you HAD dark-chocolate covered Peeps yet? And if not, why not? Careful, Chocolate Covered Peeps are not to be confused with "Chocolate Dipped Peeps" which is just a regular-old nasty Peep with its toes dipped in chocolate. Regular-old Peeps make WC's teeth hurt from all the crunchy dye-flavored sugar, but there is something tantalizing about Chocolate Covered Peeps. Also, have you ever tried to see how many regular Peeps fit in your mouth? If so, how many was it?).

Anyway, this girl up in the Wal-mart was SO COUNTRY, and talking so LOUD on her mobile phone, so W.C. clearly overheard her talking on the phone about "ALL MY CHIRRUN"....

W.C. doesn't know whether she was talking about the television show, or about all her kids, but....

CHIRRUN!!!!!

Style O' the Week #13: Oreo Head

W.C. was surfing on the internets, and found a photo of a lovely at lady posted by Tosh.0's website, via another website.

W.C. is more of a tostitos-toenail-airbrush-job kinda gal, but this is some fancy-ass hair! Girl, why are you at Sam's Club? I'd think you might want to be at a REAL club with that fancy hair!

Then again, Sam's Club has enough good stuff up in there that you can just go on and throw your OWN fancy-ass par-tay in your back yard. I see where this is going... Well, don't forget the chips, nor the dips, and don't forget to invite W.C.!!!

Dear Carlos Irwin Estevez... It's Nap Time.

Yes, you have tiger's blood. Yes, you are "WINNING!" I don't think anyone is going to dispute that, you dirty devil, you. Just look at you!!!

W.C. can relate to someone who loves to PAR-TAY. W.C. understands someone who likes drankin' and Doin' the Dew....

However, W.C. would like to humbly suggest that you take a break. A rest. Take a little "Charlie Time" and cool out a bit. Get a massage. Get a cucumber facial. Take a dip in the ocean, or a warm mud bath. Maybe get some acupuncture and reflexology. Drink a cup of herbal tea. Cleanse yourself.

Because drugs-alcohol-and-hookers --- or not --- your ass is looking a bit TIRED!

This is you on the Piers Morgan show.

It might feel like you are moving at the speed of awesome, but Dr. W.C. is here to tell you that this is the face of a man in need of a good NAP.

Charlie.... please know that W.C. is not insulting you!!!! Please don't make W.C.'s head explode with laser-vision or mind-bullets.

This is just a recommendation for optimal health from good ol' Dr. W.C.

(Also, as a side note, don't be slapping around the ladies. If you did that, it's not cool, and it's bad karma. One day you might accidentally slap the wrong lady who is gonna take her shoes and earrings off and give you a beat down!)

COOL OUT! Nap Time for Charlie!!!

Christina Aguilera, get your hair did!

So, WC has to comment on the fact that Christina a/k/a "X-tina" a/k/a "TiTi" Aguilera sang the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

Everyone is saying she "forgot" the words, or she "mistakenly" sang the words messed-up.

WRONG! W.C. is pretty sure that TiTi sang that song wrong on PURPOSE because she was trying to distract everyone's attention from that STANK, stringy, old-baby-doll-haired wig!

OK, OK, wait a second. Yes, you are correct if you are to say that W.C. has a busted wig... But guess what? W.C. ain't got no J-O-B! On the other hand, TiTi does have a job, even if she is spending all her money on donuts.

That hair looks like TiTi found it at the bottom of the old "Clearance Hair Bin" at Beauty Depot (the one in Pine Hills that used to be a Publix, which is next to "J-Mart" that used to be K-Mart that used to be Zayre):

TiTi---get your hair off the regular wig-heads, and skip the bargin bin---take care of your hair girl, be it real, or be it fake!

Stank Face

Lindsay done got herself a jail sentence, and just look at the STANK FACE she had on while in court today:

GURL! You are one hot mess:

showing off your nethers to the world

crashing par-tays

stealing peoples' stuff (so the rumors go)

showing up late for work

gettin your drank on while driving..... and more importantly, after getting busted multiple times, you didn't learn any kind of lesson, or even try to make it to all your drinkin classes!!! That Judge gave you a bunch of chances. You NEEDED to get served!

Miss Ho-Han, all that adds up to some serious STANKNESS. You KNOW you're stank when WC wouldn't even consider going to a par-tay with you. You give partying a bad name!

One thing WC really wants to know is, couldn't you afford a derned LIMOUSINE? Lawd!

All that being said, if you decide to go all BiBi Spears and shave off your hair, WC will go wig shopping with you!

OMG, Ya'll! Britney is 28!

For real, Britney Spears has done turned 28 years old yesterday!

WC's favorite Mickey Mouse Club member (besides J.T., duh!) is now officially NOT a member of The 27 Club even though... Was she even eligible for it to begin with?

W.C. don't know the answer ...just asking.

Britney didn't even invite W.C. to celebrate with her which is a real shame, 'cause W.C. woulda brung over a fine Cheetos, Funyuns, and Corn Nuts selection, a Justin Timberlake Mega-Mix, and some fine sparkling DRANK such as Andre Cold Duck or Mountain Dew. THAT is the proper way to PAR-TAY and celebrate such a momentous accomplishment.

Go Britney! It's your Birthday!

Speaking of peoples who are alive, W.C. is NOT DEAD even though she has been on the down low AND got specifically dis-invited from at least one wedding this year. Yes, W.C. got served! Well eff ya'll too! Snooty-ass married people! No Cheetos for you!

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

This is no longer Breaking News, but WC feels she should comment on the untimely (?) death of Michael Jackson. WC dug MJ unconditionally, even if he was weird. WC is weird (and misunderstood), too.

WC liked this MJ:WC liked this MJ, too:
WC even liked THIS MJ: TOP 10 things WC will fondly remember about Michael Jackson:

1) The Glove
2) The other MJ fashions, like fantastic sparkled marching band and military inspired jackets
3) The singin'.
4) The dancin' (all the MOVES, including the moonwalk).
5) We are the World, We are the Children (WC has sung this when she's drankin')
6) THE WIZ... THE FRICKEN WIZ!
7) MJ's kids, since MJ seems to be the kind of parent WC would be. Naming a kid Blanket or Princess WC, Jr., making them wear masks, dangling them over a hotel balcony, etc.
8) Parasols. WC is afraid of the sun, and if WC were to come out in the daylight she'd appreciate a good parasol like MJ did, especially if there's someone else (like a manservant or porter) to shade me with it.
9) The weird MJ stories, like the oxygen chamber, the Elephant Man's bones, and Bubbles the chimp.
10) WC would also like to chill at Neverland Ranch.

But one thing WC will never understand is why MJ liked hangin' around with all them kids. Kids are nasty, loud, stank li'l goblins, who don't respect their elders. DRINK THE JEEBUS JUICE and go to sleep 'cause WC gotta hit the town! Hahahaha. J/K, kids. WC luvs ya'll... from afar.

But WC digresses. MJ was huge, no matter how you look at it, and if he had hung out with WC she'da probably chased off that snake oil doctor who had injected him with all them drugs.

R.I.P.

WC's Florida Happenings: The Ol' McNugget Switcharoo

OK Ya'll. Did you hear how a lady in Ft. Pierce called 9-1-1 because the McDonald's ran out of McNuggets? (Click the link to read the story, and hear the audio).

So this lady, named Latreasa L. Goodman, paid for her McNuggets... and then all of a sudden, they didn't have any more McNuggets. Supposedly they tried to get her to order something else that was not McNuggets that cost the same as McNuggets, like a McDouble, and said they couldn't refund her money. Ummmm....

OK, FIRST, a "McDouble" is NOT anywhere close to being McNuggets. No other item on the McDonald's menu is close. McNuggets are their own food group. Also, adding a "small" fry on top of that is insulting, even through Latreasa ordered a small fry to begin with. A small fry is what you get when you just want to wet the inside of your mouth with a little bit of delicious salt and grease, and NOT what you should be offered when your McNugget rug has just been yanked out from under your feet. Super Size that lady's fries! Duh.

Second, if you are hungry for McNuggets, and you went into McDonalds, and ordered McNuggets, and you paid for McNuggets, and you are expecting McNuggets, and your mouth is watering for McNuggets, and then you don't get any McNuggets, THAT IS AN EMERGENCY! For realz.

Now, WC LURVES Mickey D's. And WC ESPECIALLY loves McNuggets. No matter how mad or sad you may be, McNuggets will make it better. WC is not trying to speak ill of that venerable institution as a whole. But c'mon, McDonald's of Ft. Pierce! You should have given Latreasa's money back. More importantly, you shoulda warned her ahead of time that you didn't have McNuggets. Even MORE importantly, you should have re-ordered the McNuggets before you ran out of them.

A McDonald's without McNuggets is pointless.

Let me end up on a happier note by telling you a nice story about McDonald's: WC had ordered a Super Size Fry, and sat down to eat it with a big ol' pile of ketchup, and it were pretty derned good, except then all of a sudden a McDonald's employee came over with a tray of a BRAND NEW HOT FRIES and apologized that the last fries might have been a bit cool. Of course, WC ate both the old fries and the new hot fries.

Now THAT was some serious customer service, and that is also why WC wears the stretchy pants.

Ooooh LAWD, it has been a long time!

Ok, WC apologizes for the loooooong absence, since x-mas time. No excuses, I was just bein lazy, eatin' cheetos, drinking champagne straight from the wonderful champagne mini-bottles, and watching The Bachelor and Mama's Boys on the television, or the "tell-lay" as they say in England, according to my (allegedly) English hootchie-friend Shell-lay, who ya'll don't know.

Anyhow, ya'lls who are reading this deserve an update, and the least WC can do is to show off the special xmas presents that 5 Dolla made for WC and the whole gang!!! 5 Dolla got an email from somewheres about making your own xmas prezzies for less money than if you bought em in the store. And SURE ENOUGH! 5 Dolla went and out-did herself. Oh yes she did!

EXHIBIT A:

Yes.... those are PERSONALIZED MAXI PAD SLIPPERS FOR WC!!!!!!!!!!!

EXHIBIT B:

The slippers, modeled. Now ya'll know that WC's shoe size is "extra-long nighttime maxi without wings"..... These slippers feature glitter paint, and sandpaper soles for traction. That girl thought of everything!

EXHIBIT C:

EVERYBODY got special, purty, sparkley "ghet-toes" slippers from 5 Dolla this year----Oats, BB, NiNi, Z-Dawg, Double-D, and WC, of course. It was glorious. As that hootchie Shell-lay might say in her horrendous accent, which I believe is fake: "Gawd bless us, ev-ray one."

Hope to holla at you kids again soon.... but right now WC has to concentrate on wiping the cheeto dust offa this keyboard.

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

BiBi had a Birthday

Happy Birthday to BiBi. Oh, what? WC is BELATED in conveying these birthday wishes? Well, where was BiBi when it was WC's birthday, hmmmm? No card, no cake, no nothing. Bee-yotch!But seriously girl, congratulations on surviving to your 27th. Even them pumpkin-headed KIDS of yours survived to your 27th! I credit K-Fed for that.

WC took the liberty of writing out a birthday list for you. If anyone wants to help out BiBi, just send these items "care of" WC.

---calorie-free cheetos

---A better weave (hair done)
---A better manicure (nails did)
---champagne (WC will have to drink this for BiBi since she's rehabbed)

---7 Minutes in Heaven with Justin Timberlake

---Birthday dinner: Some baby back ribs in some goooood sauce, with a side of tater salad.
---a billion dollars (of course, WC will need manage this $$ for BiBi like her Daddy already does with her other $$).

And by the way, BiBi... it's clear to us all that you done lost your sparkle. Where is it? You better find it! May this be the year you get your sparkle back!

XOXO (yeah, WC watches Gossip Girl),
WC

Another Imposter???

This weekend, W.C. went to Starbucks to stock up on cheese danish samples, free brown napkins, free Splenda packets, etc., when WHAT DID SHE SPY WITH HER LITTLE EYE?

This!

THIS!!!
LAWD!!! Yes, that's right folks. It's a big, huge White Chocolate Impersonator! W.C. wishes she coulda got a picture of this hootchie's face, but it was too difficult from her vantage point, hiding behind the Half & Half at the coffee-fixins counter.

Also, W.C. woulda confronted her, but that was one huge bitch! In FLAT SHOES,The Imposter was well over six feet tall, and W.C. was wearing flip flops, so W.C. was only a moderately huge bitch. You cain't be gettin in no fights wearing no flip flops.

One thing that disturbs W.C.? This Imposter was NOT wearing a WIG. That is her everyday hur, not just her going-out hur! Does that make W.C. The Imposter?!?!?! Oh snap!

This could be the hootchie who stole them Fritos and got W.C. throwed in the jailhouse!!!

W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!
Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

BiBi's Daddy Got Her Money

OOh, Child... BiBi, look what you went and did by not listening to White Chocolate. You got your daddy in control of all your stuff, and K-Diddy got them kids.

Now, THAT second thang about the kids ain't so bad. After all, who really wants to do more than VISIT with kids? Besides, like, people who live in the 'burbs. Let K-Diddy do all the heavy lifting.

But what about your MONEY? IF you had listened to W.C., we could be out, get our hair done, and our nails did, going dranking, dancing, going on multi-hundred dollar shopping sprees at Wal-Mart or whatever your favorite store is, and eating as many derned "Cheetos" as we want.

I heard your daddy is paying himself multiple thousands per month. W.C. will do the job for half what he's making. Let me holla at your judge!

DEAR NERDS

FYI, and R.I.P. to this dude, Gary Gygax, who was a co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.W.C. got kicked out of her only game of "Dungeons and Dragons" because some of the nerd-players took offense to W.C. trying to kill all the other game characters, and because W.C. got chicken-wing grease all over the dice, and also she drank up the nerds' beers, and didn't take the game seriously enough. *Whatever!*

For realz though, this is sad because this guy was probably real creative, and he made a lot of nerds happy.

Happy Belated Balentimes!

Oh LAWD, I totally forgot to wish ya'll a Happy Valentine's Day (a/k/a Balentimes).

But, you KNOW that all that chocolate at Walgreens goes on say AFTER February 14th, right?

QUESTION: Why does the full-priced chocolate seem like it tastes better than 1/2 priced chocolate the day after V-Day?

WC heard, AFTER THE FACT, that somebody had asked an acquaintance of WC's about being her Balentime. OH HELL NO. Why you didn't tell me, trick?

I missed out on Necco talky-hearts, or Red-hots, or a Scooby Doo Balentime, or even a fancy silken rose. Or, if this was a real, quality Balentime, W.C. coulda got her EAT and DRANK on! Surf & Turf, baby!

Well, whatever. Here is your V-Day Prezzie, which I stole offa the internetz:

OK, I'ma go to Walgreen's now and get my sugar-buzz on......................... Heart-shaped Whitman's Sampler, here I come! I'll give ya'll the ones I poke my finger into and don't like.

By the way, thanks for keeping on looking out for WC to write something. WC been real busy [lazy], because the weather outside here in The M-I-A is niiiiiice, and I keep waking up under a palm tree, like a crackhead. I'll try to holla at you a little more frequently, tho.

There is always something for WC to talk about!

Kisses, hugs, hearts, kittens, rainbows, unicorns, Surf n' Turf, and DRANK,

W.C.

Eugoogelizing young hot talented people sucks.

Oh hell no!
We have lost Heath Ledger, who was an all around hot and talented dude, including when he was a hot gay cowboy. W.C. is truly shocked, appalled, and saddened at the loss of a hot man such as this... and in the same week as Josh Renfro... who was more on the B list, but not un-hot or un-talented by any means.

Kids! Pills are to be respected, and AVOIDED. Now, in olden times, W.C. would eat a pill indiscriminately, like Miss Lady PacMan... but that don't make it right, or smart!

Note: Elvis, Marylin Monroe, Jimmy Hendrix, and a ton of other people done expired prematurely due to pills. If you need to take pills, W.C. suggests TicTacs, or Altoids. That will fulfill your oral pill-popping fixation, and ALSO help your breath stankness.

For real, though. The Dark Knight movie with Heath as the Joker is probably gonna be awesome, but sad now. R.I.P. Heath, which, by the way is one of the best candy bars in existence.

W.C. has a tear in her beer.

W.C.'s - Style O' the Week #12 - Nails Did!

White Chocolate is always ALL UP in the Internetz, and sometimes she finds some interesting stuff. Case in point:This is a photo of a chick called Coko from the old school singin' group SWV. Sadly, W.C. don't remember them.

Anyhow, W.C. stole the photo and caption from one of W.C.'s favorite bloggers, Rich of FourFour. Here is the link to his blog, which should knock your socks off, if you have ever watched ANTM, or ProjRun, or if you like cats or dance music.

Anyhow, just LOOK at them nails! That takes work, seriously! W.C. would get them all tangled in her hair in no time!