Thursday, April 26, 2007

Holla at W.C.

***"Holla at W.C." is a (new) feature of W.C.'s Blog, which shall serve as a forum in which W.C. can help you in the journey of life. You have questions. W.C. ALWAYS has an answer.***

Dear WC: I may have a stalker. Any suggestions?

--T.G., Miami Beach, FL

WC RESPONDS: Okay Mr. or Miss T.G.... First off, W.C. is gonna assume that the stalker is STANK. If he/she weren't STANK, you would not be writing to W.C. about it.

[For example, W.C. would not mind being stalked by either Daniel Craig, or Justin Timberlake (they are welcome to take the hint, you know, in case they happen to be reading). However, nobody likes a STANK stalker.]

This person probably has too much time on their hands. You need to make sure they are busy, VERY BUSY, but without getting directly involved. W.C. has the solution. Why not pay a crackhead to stalk your stalker for you? The right crackhead can be energetic and productive! For a very low price, you can entice a crackhead to safely and effectively annoy the hell out of your Stank Stalker: Dead flowers on the doorstep. Hundreds of emails. Hundreds of letters. Anything you want! The only limit is your imagination.

The only challenges are: (1) keeping your crackhead on task; and (2) paying them in small enough increments so that they don't run off with the yeyo before getting the job done.
ALSO, if you are gonna let the crackhead box up items to send to the S.S., be sure to pre-stamp letters and packages, and tape over it. Otherwise the crackhead may peel off the stamps and try to re-sell them.

ALSO, if you let them use a computer, it should be bolted down. EVERYTHING should be bolted down. If you follow these suggestions, your Stank Stalker will be up to his/her gills in emails and letters, and waaaay too distracted to bother you. In fact, he/she may enjoy the advances.

Once the crackhead runs off with all your pencils and pens and stops sending any email, your S.S. will be really bothered, and will miss all of the attention. He/she will then direct their attention to renewing contact with the crackhead, who won't mind a bit, because he/she will be chilling under a palm tree in Barnett Park in Orlando with a couple a dimes!

Problem solved!

xoxo,
White Chocolate

P.S. Crack is wack! Don't do crack kids!

P.P.S., My girl 5 Dolla got a job now, so she ain't up for hire, but she probably knows somebody:

4 comments:

5 Dolla said...

Sh*ttttttt... you knows i ain't no crackhead! Keep it natural. Yo po ass couldn't afford me anyways!

White Chocolate said...

HA HA HA! Gurrrl, I know you ain't no crackhead.

I was just checking to see if you were paying attention!!!

But don't even TRY to play like you don't know no crackheads.

Ramon said...

My belobed mamacita Why chocolat, pleez paz dis to T.G.
Yo hi T.G. !
Ay syntethyz wid chur prolem an ay tink dat Ramoncito may be of hel to choo. Ay habe a distan cosin fron Puerto Rico dat knows some peepl dat know some peepl dat can hire de crackhead ho to hel choo. ay habe to no whas chee gonna charge choo for her serbice but i achoor choo dat chee weel stak de hell out of dis stank dood or doodet. lemme may son fone cols an ay weel get back to choo my deer T.G. no problen don choo woori. Ramoncito weel be helful

NiNi said...

Damn Ramon, hooked on phonics DON'T work for me! I can't even read yo comment, so I'ma pass dat right on by.

WC, Gurl, u crack me up! I know dis one crackhead name Big Poundcake. That was, he WERE a Big Poundcake till his ass got on da crack. Anywayz Gurl, u want, i tell that boy. He can go down to MIA with Shaytrell and Lawon.