Style O' the Week #13: Oreo Head

W.C. was surfing on the internets, and found a photo of a lovely at lady posted by Tosh.0's website, via another website.

W.C. is more of a tostitos-toenail-airbrush-job kinda gal, but this is some fancy-ass hair! Girl, why are you at Sam's Club? I'd think you might want to be at a REAL club with that fancy hair!

Then again, Sam's Club has enough good stuff up in there that you can just go on and throw your OWN fancy-ass par-tay in your back yard. I see where this is going... Well, don't forget the chips, nor the dips, and don't forget to invite W.C.!!!

Dear Carlos Irwin Estevez... It's Nap Time.

Yes, you have tiger's blood. Yes, you are "WINNING!" I don't think anyone is going to dispute that, you dirty devil, you. Just look at you!!!

W.C. can relate to someone who loves to PAR-TAY. W.C. understands someone who likes drankin' and Doin' the Dew....

However, W.C. would like to humbly suggest that you take a break. A rest. Take a little "Charlie Time" and cool out a bit. Get a massage. Get a cucumber facial. Take a dip in the ocean, or a warm mud bath. Maybe get some acupuncture and reflexology. Drink a cup of herbal tea. Cleanse yourself.

Because drugs-alcohol-and-hookers --- or not --- your ass is looking a bit TIRED!

This is you on the Piers Morgan show.

It might feel like you are moving at the speed of awesome, but Dr. W.C. is here to tell you that this is the face of a man in need of a good NAP.

Charlie.... please know that W.C. is not insulting you!!!! Please don't make W.C.'s head explode with laser-vision or mind-bullets.

This is just a recommendation for optimal health from good ol' Dr. W.C.

(Also, as a side note, don't be slapping around the ladies. If you did that, it's not cool, and it's bad karma. One day you might accidentally slap the wrong lady who is gonna take her shoes and earrings off and give you a beat down!)

COOL OUT! Nap Time for Charlie!!!

Stank Face

Lindsay done got herself a jail sentence, and just look at the STANK FACE she had on while in court today:

GURL! You are one hot mess:

showing off your nethers to the world

crashing par-tays

stealing peoples' stuff (so the rumors go)

showing up late for work

gettin your drank on while driving..... and more importantly, after getting busted multiple times, you didn't learn any kind of lesson, or even try to make it to all your drinkin classes!!! That Judge gave you a bunch of chances. You NEEDED to get served!

Miss Ho-Han, all that adds up to some serious STANKNESS. You KNOW you're stank when WC wouldn't even consider going to a par-tay with you. You give partying a bad name!

One thing WC really wants to know is, couldn't you afford a derned LIMOUSINE? Lawd!

All that being said, if you decide to go all BiBi Spears and shave off your hair, WC will go wig shopping with you!

OMG, Ya'll! Britney is 28!

For real, Britney Spears has done turned 28 years old yesterday!

WC's favorite Mickey Mouse Club member (besides J.T., duh!) is now officially NOT a member of The 27 Club even though... Was she even eligible for it to begin with?

W.C. don't know the answer ...just asking.

Britney didn't even invite W.C. to celebrate with her which is a real shame, 'cause W.C. woulda brung over a fine Cheetos, Funyuns, and Corn Nuts selection, a Justin Timberlake Mega-Mix, and some fine sparkling DRANK such as Andre Cold Duck or Mountain Dew. THAT is the proper way to PAR-TAY and celebrate such a momentous accomplishment.

Go Britney! It's your Birthday!

Speaking of peoples who are alive, W.C. is NOT DEAD even though she has been on the down low AND got specifically dis-invited from at least one wedding this year. Yes, W.C. got served! Well eff ya'll too! Snooty-ass married people! No Cheetos for you!

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

BiBi had a Birthday

Happy Birthday to BiBi. Oh, what? WC is BELATED in conveying these birthday wishes? Well, where was BiBi when it was WC's birthday, hmmmm? No card, no cake, no nothing. Bee-yotch!But seriously girl, congratulations on surviving to your 27th. Even them pumpkin-headed KIDS of yours survived to your 27th! I credit K-Fed for that.

WC took the liberty of writing out a birthday list for you. If anyone wants to help out BiBi, just send these items "care of" WC.

---calorie-free cheetos

---A better weave (hair done)
---A better manicure (nails did)
---champagne (WC will have to drink this for BiBi since she's rehabbed)

---7 Minutes in Heaven with Justin Timberlake

---Birthday dinner: Some baby back ribs in some goooood sauce, with a side of tater salad.
---a billion dollars (of course, WC will need manage this $$ for BiBi like her Daddy already does with her other $$).

And by the way, BiBi... it's clear to us all that you done lost your sparkle. Where is it? You better find it! May this be the year you get your sparkle back!

XOXO (yeah, WC watches Gossip Girl),
WC

W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!
Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

SIGHTINGS! Famous people W.C. done seen

Hey Ya'll! It's almost the NEW YEAR, and WC is busy with the PARTAY season!

Still, I had to pop in and let ya'll know about my famous-person sighting today...

I was at The News Cafe on Ocean Drive today, with my homegirl, Sh'Annelle.

We had the best seats in the house, and were enjoying a fine winter morning on Miami Beach. It's never too early in the morning for champagne, let me tell you.

So then, the day got EVEN MORE fabulous, when Queen Latifah, a/k/a Dana Owens, came and sat down with the couple at the table next door! OH YES SHE DID. She was looking PURTY, and fresh-faced, and she had some big, sparkly earrings.

WC was super-jealous. For realz. Miss Dana sent back her scrambled eggs, because they was hard. But she was super sweet about it! And they WAS hard, too! I could see.

If ya'll don't hear from me before January the First, then have a HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!

Oh LAWD. WC done been in a weddin'!

The bride (Ms. W.O.B.) was lovely, and the groom (Mr. B.B.) was frightening (and neither will be depicted here because neither will agree to be associated with WC beyond "family" events), but WC was really in her element, don't you agree?

And none other than that hootchie 5 Dolla was another of the Bridesmaids:
She is a really something, ain't she??? Dominick Centaur (dressed as a Goth Extraordinarre) and Bn Bn (fresh of the boat from Myanmar) were there, too. It was an allstar cast of characters. A real wedding, can you believe it??? This lends a great deal of credibility to W.C.

She got her nails done, hair did, and everything!

Tyra Needs A Stylist, or Else She's Looking for a Man-Sasquatch

Oh Lawd! Tyra Banks, you need to stop yourself:


What were you trying to go for with this look? It is ostrich-inspired? Is the shoulder fur scented with pheromones to attract yourself a man-squatch?

You coulda looked 75% better with a nice wig or fake ponytail, and some purty black peep toe sandals. Why are you wearing booties???

OMG, it's the toes, isn't it? You forgot to get your toes did, didn't you? I bet you have some crusty, scraggly, unpedicured, stank feets up in those boots? Oh Snap.

Girl, how you gonna tell a bunch of America's Next Top Model wannabees how to dress themselves and pretend to be models, and you can't even get yourself ready for a par-tay!?

BiBi Spears is still a mess...

W.C. found this pic of BiBi and just had to say something, and thankfully somebody had already blacked out BiBi's bibi, which you can see because she done forgot her underwearz again!
Dear BiBi,

Nice wig, nice purse. The jury is out on those velvet bike shorts, but at least you ain't gonna flash your hootchie-cootchie. As for your STAINED-ASS SHIRT:

QUESTION: Why the HELL do you think White Chocolate wears BLACK to every par-tay?

ANSWER: W.C. wears black because nobody can see the food and drank that you spill all over yourself when your ass gets drunk and hongry. As long as you don't have dandruff (those lights in the club WILL show dandruff and other skurry types of stains), then wearing black is ALWAYS the way to go. Especially for hongry and thirsty girls like you and me.

At LEAST you weren't drinking red wine. Also, when you know the cameras are following you, why not just stay in your seat at the restaurant until that stain dries?!

Unless that's grease. DOH.

Oh Snap! Big Moe Denied Entrance to Shaq's B-Day

The news for the day is that Shaq had a b-day party at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, and SOMEHOW Star Jones made it past the velvet rope:

...but poor Big Moe (Anna Nicole's former bodyguard) got denied at the door. Big Moe doesn't even have a JOBBITY JOB anymore, and Shaq's door-dudes are hating on the man?

WC SHOULD have busted up in there. With WC on his arm, Big Moe would have gotten in.

Also, he apparently doesn't know the rule that if at first you don't succeed, there's always sneaking in through the kitchen! HA HA HA, you laugh, but there is a whole troupe of crusty old party crashers W.C. done met in N-Why-C who think they are super fancy, but yet they will sneak under a fence in a second if there are some jumbo cocktail scrimps on the other side!

But WC digresses....

Chin up, Big Moe! Shaq just wanted to ensure he'd be the tallest dude at the party on his big day!

J.D. = crazier than W.C.!

When W.C. goes out on the town, some folks say: "Hey W.C.... You CRAY-ZEE!"

And yes, W.C. can get into a groove, and get downright FUNKY. But W.C. always says "there are PLENTY of people crazier than W.C." in the partying department.

Case in point:
LAWD, Janice Dickenson! W.C. can see your drawers!

J.D. is fabulous, though. She's gonna be 75 one day, and will still find a way to Botox her way to looking exactly like she does in this picture.

Q: In hand-to-hand combat between Tyra Banks and J.D., who would win?

BiBi gets hugged up with a dude!

Good news! BiBi Spears MUST finally be listening to WC's advice. According to information from my girl 5 Dolla, BiBi done got all hugged up with a dude named Jason Filyaw who has a band called Riva. Here he go:

BiBi, this boy ain't half-bad-looking, both of ya'll got shaved heads, both of ya'll sing, and both of ya'll got that hard-living-rehab credibility going for you.

(Of course, we must take breaking news reported by 5 Dolla with LESS credibility than other, reliable sources of news like The National Enquirer. After all, 5 Dolla IS the one who gave me a container of partially used deodorant for Santy Claus Day. I been using that deoderant too, after I wiped off her stank from the top layer with a tissue.)

But W.C. digresses. BiBi, I am glad to see you are back in the game, and listening to Auntie W.C.'s advice. Get out there and get your nails did for your new man! And GURL, write to W.C. sometime and give me a personal update, so's I don't hafta rely on third-hand info from stank deodorant re-gifters!

W.C.'s Style of the Week, # 5

If any of ya'll got some money burning a hole in your pocket, buy these for W.C., a'ight?

Size: REEEALLY BIG.
Color: Any color ya'll decide is fine.
Use: W.C. is gonna par-tay in these puppies, ya'll!

Happy New Years!

OOOH, Santy Clauz was niiiice to W.C. this year. Among other things, I gots a FANCY, giant "pimp goblet" from D.D., some purty wall hangins from Shaniqua and D., and a box o' stuff from 5 Dolla. But the funny s*** is that everything from 5 Dolla was USED. There was partially used deodorant, used socks, used foot lotion, and a pre-burnt candle set. Damn, 5 Dolla! Girl, you coulda just got me a card. Now you gonna go around being all stank because you gave up your deodorant! HA! I'm still gonna use that s*** though.

Here go the pimp goblet:
So, then after Santy Clauz Day came New Years Eve, the most magical day of the year. I wish I could remember more of it, but somebody spiked my pimp goblet with a magical brew that tasted like scrawberry kool-aid, but apparently had a bit more potency. Doh! I wore my fancy goat-hair collar, and I got new slippers with hearts on them at the Dollar Store at the West Oaks Mall (you know, that one by JC Penney), but they fell apart after one night of dancing with D.D., Ben Ben, 5 Dolla, and the rest of them crazy kids!

"Air it out, air it out!"

I shouldn't tell ya'll this, but Ben Ben's momma made that kimono out of the living room curtains:
Ain't that amazing??? Ben Ben is Asian Scarlett O'Hara, ya'll!!! Anyway, we all got our dance on, and ran wild through the fields of Apopka for one grand evening at Ground Zero, toasting at midnight with only the very finest, Martini & Rossi Asti Spumanti. Yee ha!

On Halloween...

The FREAKS come out, ya'll! Happy Halloween from South Beach!

REHAB

Yo, check out the pic, people: Beck's NON-ALCOHOLIC beer. See? Rehab worked. I ain't no alcoholic. But I am a non-alcoholic-holic. That near-beer stuff tastes good... I am addicted. Par-tay!

The Hamptons

Everything here is pastel, damn! Lilly Pulitzer? More like Lilly Puke-itzer. No joke, it's STANK. I only packed black, and bling. Since I, W.C., am in rehab up here (oh, did I forget to mention that to ya'll???--oops, my bad)... Yeah, because of the rehab I am not really allowed to sneak off the compound for any of the par-tays... But don't worry, I'll be back in action soon (shhh.....don't tell nobody).

Boat Party

Hey ya'll, I was partying on this boat last night---NOT the boat in the picture, but the boat I am standing on taking a picture of that little-ass boat down there... HA HA! Who CARES if it was gambling cruise ship? BINGO, mutha-flunkas!