NATIONAL WHITE CHOCOLATE DAY!

Oh my GOOOOOODNESSS!

Today, September 22, is National White Chocolate Day, and nobody even done TOLD ME!

Well, in honor of my WC's new favorite day of the year, WC has updated her blog template. Ain't it PURTY???

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

Holla at WC: Ramon edition

Ok, so a long time ago, one of W.C.'s "fans" named Ramon the Pool Boy asked W.C. a question, which W.C. didn't answer and so it somehow allegedly caused Ramon the Pool Boy to get deported.

Oops. But not really, because how is Ramon gonna try to get his deportation advice from a bona-fide par-tay girl?

Here is his question:

bye de wey i tink i habe a cuestion regardin soneteen importan. do choo no any peepls that can hel me get a green car? i need a green car so mosh eets not fony. to work and to do all de eh-stof dat peepls do heer in the choonited eh-states. been de wise and bootiful mamacita dat choo ar maybe choo no sone peepl dat no sone peepl no? green cars are har to come by ese truss me Ramon noes. can choo hel me WC get in toush wid soneone wid a green car?

Blah, blah, blah. Say what? And then he got all huffy when W.C. ignored him, and he wrote again:

hey mami, how com choo no answer no more eh? orale!!!! ramoncito no write to choo no more. i want a green car.

W.C. doesn't believe that Ramon will stop writing as promised, and figures she'll have to answer him to get him to "CALLATE."

OK, Ramon. W.C. don't even know exactly what you're talking about (ever), because your accent is inscrutable, W.C. suggests that Ramon get in touch with this guy:

Green Car! BOO-YA!

Oh, and Ramon.... if you don't want to get deported again, you should find yourself a nice U.S. citizen to trick into marrying you. BUT LAWD, NOT W.C.! Don't even THINK about it!

WC Been Bizzy!

Ok, ok, ok. W.C. is sorry, everybody.

Ever since I got down here to Miami, I been a bit lax in writing. Can you blame me? Palm trees, bling, and champagne, baby! Of course, I can't afford the bling or the champagne, but I shore can crash somebody's par-tay, drink up all they drinks, eat up all they food, and wake up the next morning under a palm tree. And that's what's important in life, ya'll. For realz.

Plus, the hootchie whose computer I use and whose living room I crash in always take her laptop with her to "work" and I gotta sit around watching basic cable all day.

W.C. is SO SICK of Dr. Phil!

But, I'll get back to it a.s.a.p., you hear me? I still owe answers to two "Ask W.C." questions, and I will probably "live-blog" my favorite TV Show "So You Think You Can Dance" once they get down to the last 10 peeps, and If anybody wanna holla, I'll try to holla back at ya.

Can I just say one thing though about current events? Paris' ass went to jail! Paris' ass went to jail! Paris' ass went to jail! I would normally never mention that nasty girl, but it bears repeating, because W.C. takes care NEVER to drank and drive, or drive at all for that matter.

Designated Drivers, peoplez! Make other people drive your drunk ass around, and trust W.C., it'll be much more fun!

(End public service announcement)

Uhh... Happy Monday. Holla!

Holla at WC: Question from Black Vanilla

***"Holla at W.C." is a (new) feature of W.C.'s Blog, which shall serve as a forum in which W.C. can help you in the journey of life. You have questions. W.C. ALWAYS has an answer.***

Dear WC:

Ware culd I find some good hare reemoovin creem? I been usin this Nair stuff an it jus give me the wors rash. Lordy! This uther nite when I were expecting Artel to come over to spen tha nite, I naired down in my cooch and then alla sudden got this awful fearsom itch. turn out it were a aylurjick reyakshun! Now i gotta find sumthin uther than Nair. Any Sujessjuns?

Yur Frend,

BV

WC RESPONDS: OOH LAWD. Black Vanilla, I know that's you writing. But even if I hadn't already seen your myspace pics, I would KNOW you must be one HAIRY BITCH! You would not be writing if you weren't as hairy as a damn SASQUATCH!
Girl! Throw that Nair out! Call in the big guns! You ever tried waxing? It hurts like hell, but it don't grow back so fast as the Nair'd hairs do.

Let me warn you though: WC went to a FANCY joint here in Miami Beach to get my hootchie cootchie waxed. Down here they call it a Brazilian, and let me tell you, they go ALL the way from Canada to Brazil. Once I left, I felt like I pretty much just had a thespian experience. Those ladies get right comfortable with your kibbles and bits! But wouldn't you know it? I went and showed my manfolk how I had done got a wax, and he told me how he prefers a hairy Sasquatch woman! He left me and my Uncle Fester... and went and found a hippie chick:
Can you believe that? Some mens just like hur. So first, maybe you ought to ask your boyfriend Artel what he like. Maybe he like a little TEXTURE in that region!
But then, if it turn out he like it smooth, make HIS ASS pay for it. AND while your at it, make his ass buy you a 40 before you go in there.... ...or a derned roofie... because OOOOOOH LAWD. All W.C. is saying, it's best your ass be drunk before, during, and after it happens.

Good luck & let me know how it go!

xoxo,
White Chocolate

P.S... To anybody else who wanna write WC, I won't out your name if you don't want me to. But I figured Black Vanilla wouldn't mind, and she didn't say she didn't wanna be shouted out.

P.P.S.. I'ma gonna get my drank on tonight! C-Ya!

Holla at W.C.

***"Holla at W.C." is a (new) feature of W.C.'s Blog, which shall serve as a forum in which W.C. can help you in the journey of life. You have questions. W.C. ALWAYS has an answer.***

Dear WC: I may have a stalker. Any suggestions?

--T.G., Miami Beach, FL

WC RESPONDS: Okay Mr. or Miss T.G.... First off, W.C. is gonna assume that the stalker is STANK. If he/she weren't STANK, you would not be writing to W.C. about it.

[For example, W.C. would not mind being stalked by either Daniel Craig, or Justin Timberlake (they are welcome to take the hint, you know, in case they happen to be reading). However, nobody likes a STANK stalker.]

This person probably has too much time on their hands. You need to make sure they are busy, VERY BUSY, but without getting directly involved. W.C. has the solution. Why not pay a crackhead to stalk your stalker for you? The right crackhead can be energetic and productive! For a very low price, you can entice a crackhead to safely and effectively annoy the hell out of your Stank Stalker: Dead flowers on the doorstep. Hundreds of emails. Hundreds of letters. Anything you want! The only limit is your imagination.

The only challenges are: (1) keeping your crackhead on task; and (2) paying them in small enough increments so that they don't run off with the yeyo before getting the job done.
ALSO, if you are gonna let the crackhead box up items to send to the S.S., be sure to pre-stamp letters and packages, and tape over it. Otherwise the crackhead may peel off the stamps and try to re-sell them.

ALSO, if you let them use a computer, it should be bolted down. EVERYTHING should be bolted down. If you follow these suggestions, your Stank Stalker will be up to his/her gills in emails and letters, and waaaay too distracted to bother you. In fact, he/she may enjoy the advances.

Once the crackhead runs off with all your pencils and pens and stops sending any email, your S.S. will be really bothered, and will miss all of the attention. He/she will then direct their attention to renewing contact with the crackhead, who won't mind a bit, because he/she will be chilling under a palm tree in Barnett Park in Orlando with a couple a dimes!

Problem solved!

xoxo,
White Chocolate

P.S. Crack is wack! Don't do crack kids!

P.P.S., My girl 5 Dolla got a job now, so she ain't up for hire, but she probably knows somebody:

Burger King = Hot

This is who I want for my boyfriend, since Justin Timberlake is still messing around with that trick CD. My new boyfriend is tall, he has a crown, he plays football, and he is now single since he broke up with the brown-haired hootchie in this pic. His name is Mr. B. King, and guess what the best part is gonna be? I'm-a get free nugg-ets, I'm-a get free nugg-ets!