OMG, Ya'll! Britney is 28!

For real, Britney Spears has done turned 28 years old yesterday!

WC's favorite Mickey Mouse Club member (besides J.T., duh!) is now officially NOT a member of The 27 Club even though... Was she even eligible for it to begin with?

W.C. don't know the answer ...just asking.

Britney didn't even invite W.C. to celebrate with her which is a real shame, 'cause W.C. woulda brung over a fine Cheetos, Funyuns, and Corn Nuts selection, a Justin Timberlake Mega-Mix, and some fine sparkling DRANK such as Andre Cold Duck or Mountain Dew. THAT is the proper way to PAR-TAY and celebrate such a momentous accomplishment.

Go Britney! It's your Birthday!

Speaking of peoples who are alive, W.C. is NOT DEAD even though she has been on the down low AND got specifically dis-invited from at least one wedding this year. Yes, W.C. got served! Well eff ya'll too! Snooty-ass married people! No Cheetos for you!

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

This is no longer Breaking News, but WC feels she should comment on the untimely (?) death of Michael Jackson. WC dug MJ unconditionally, even if he was weird. WC is weird (and misunderstood), too.

WC liked this MJ:WC liked this MJ, too:
WC even liked THIS MJ: TOP 10 things WC will fondly remember about Michael Jackson:

1) The Glove
2) The other MJ fashions, like fantastic sparkled marching band and military inspired jackets
3) The singin'.
4) The dancin' (all the MOVES, including the moonwalk).
5) We are the World, We are the Children (WC has sung this when she's drankin')
6) THE WIZ... THE FRICKEN WIZ!
7) MJ's kids, since MJ seems to be the kind of parent WC would be. Naming a kid Blanket or Princess WC, Jr., making them wear masks, dangling them over a hotel balcony, etc.
8) Parasols. WC is afraid of the sun, and if WC were to come out in the daylight she'd appreciate a good parasol like MJ did, especially if there's someone else (like a manservant or porter) to shade me with it.
9) The weird MJ stories, like the oxygen chamber, the Elephant Man's bones, and Bubbles the chimp.
10) WC would also like to chill at Neverland Ranch.

But one thing WC will never understand is why MJ liked hangin' around with all them kids. Kids are nasty, loud, stank li'l goblins, who don't respect their elders. DRINK THE JEEBUS JUICE and go to sleep 'cause WC gotta hit the town! Hahahaha. J/K, kids. WC luvs ya'll... from afar.

But WC digresses. MJ was huge, no matter how you look at it, and if he had hung out with WC she'da probably chased off that snake oil doctor who had injected him with all them drugs.

R.I.P.

WC's Florida Happenings: The Ol' McNugget Switcharoo

OK Ya'll. Did you hear how a lady in Ft. Pierce called 9-1-1 because the McDonald's ran out of McNuggets? (Click the link to read the story, and hear the audio).

So this lady, named Latreasa L. Goodman, paid for her McNuggets... and then all of a sudden, they didn't have any more McNuggets. Supposedly they tried to get her to order something else that was not McNuggets that cost the same as McNuggets, like a McDouble, and said they couldn't refund her money. Ummmm....

OK, FIRST, a "McDouble" is NOT anywhere close to being McNuggets. No other item on the McDonald's menu is close. McNuggets are their own food group. Also, adding a "small" fry on top of that is insulting, even through Latreasa ordered a small fry to begin with. A small fry is what you get when you just want to wet the inside of your mouth with a little bit of delicious salt and grease, and NOT what you should be offered when your McNugget rug has just been yanked out from under your feet. Super Size that lady's fries! Duh.

Second, if you are hungry for McNuggets, and you went into McDonalds, and ordered McNuggets, and you paid for McNuggets, and you are expecting McNuggets, and your mouth is watering for McNuggets, and then you don't get any McNuggets, THAT IS AN EMERGENCY! For realz.

Now, WC LURVES Mickey D's. And WC ESPECIALLY loves McNuggets. No matter how mad or sad you may be, McNuggets will make it better. WC is not trying to speak ill of that venerable institution as a whole. But c'mon, McDonald's of Ft. Pierce! You should have given Latreasa's money back. More importantly, you shoulda warned her ahead of time that you didn't have McNuggets. Even MORE importantly, you should have re-ordered the McNuggets before you ran out of them.

A McDonald's without McNuggets is pointless.

Let me end up on a happier note by telling you a nice story about McDonald's: WC had ordered a Super Size Fry, and sat down to eat it with a big ol' pile of ketchup, and it were pretty derned good, except then all of a sudden a McDonald's employee came over with a tray of a BRAND NEW HOT FRIES and apologized that the last fries might have been a bit cool. Of course, WC ate both the old fries and the new hot fries.

Now THAT was some serious customer service, and that is also why WC wears the stretchy pants.

Ooooh LAWD, it has been a long time!

Ok, WC apologizes for the loooooong absence, since x-mas time. No excuses, I was just bein lazy, eatin' cheetos, drinking champagne straight from the wonderful champagne mini-bottles, and watching The Bachelor and Mama's Boys on the television, or the "tell-lay" as they say in England, according to my (allegedly) English hootchie-friend Shell-lay, who ya'll don't know.

Anyhow, ya'lls who are reading this deserve an update, and the least WC can do is to show off the special xmas presents that 5 Dolla made for WC and the whole gang!!! 5 Dolla got an email from somewheres about making your own xmas prezzies for less money than if you bought em in the store. And SURE ENOUGH! 5 Dolla went and out-did herself. Oh yes she did!

EXHIBIT A:

Yes.... those are PERSONALIZED MAXI PAD SLIPPERS FOR WC!!!!!!!!!!!

EXHIBIT B:

The slippers, modeled. Now ya'll know that WC's shoe size is "extra-long nighttime maxi without wings"..... These slippers feature glitter paint, and sandpaper soles for traction. That girl thought of everything!

EXHIBIT C:

EVERYBODY got special, purty, sparkley "ghet-toes" slippers from 5 Dolla this year----Oats, BB, NiNi, Z-Dawg, Double-D, and WC, of course. It was glorious. As that hootchie Shell-lay might say in her horrendous accent, which I believe is fake: "Gawd bless us, ev-ray one."

Hope to holla at you kids again soon.... but right now WC has to concentrate on wiping the cheeto dust offa this keyboard.

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

BiBi had a Birthday

Happy Birthday to BiBi. Oh, what? WC is BELATED in conveying these birthday wishes? Well, where was BiBi when it was WC's birthday, hmmmm? No card, no cake, no nothing. Bee-yotch!But seriously girl, congratulations on surviving to your 27th. Even them pumpkin-headed KIDS of yours survived to your 27th! I credit K-Fed for that.

WC took the liberty of writing out a birthday list for you. If anyone wants to help out BiBi, just send these items "care of" WC.

---calorie-free cheetos

---A better weave (hair done)
---A better manicure (nails did)
---champagne (WC will have to drink this for BiBi since she's rehabbed)

---7 Minutes in Heaven with Justin Timberlake

---Birthday dinner: Some baby back ribs in some goooood sauce, with a side of tater salad.
---a billion dollars (of course, WC will need manage this $$ for BiBi like her Daddy already does with her other $$).

And by the way, BiBi... it's clear to us all that you done lost your sparkle. Where is it? You better find it! May this be the year you get your sparkle back!

XOXO (yeah, WC watches Gossip Girl),
WC

Another Imposter???

This weekend, W.C. went to Starbucks to stock up on cheese danish samples, free brown napkins, free Splenda packets, etc., when WHAT DID SHE SPY WITH HER LITTLE EYE?

This!

THIS!!!
LAWD!!! Yes, that's right folks. It's a big, huge White Chocolate Impersonator! W.C. wishes she coulda got a picture of this hootchie's face, but it was too difficult from her vantage point, hiding behind the Half & Half at the coffee-fixins counter.

Also, W.C. woulda confronted her, but that was one huge bitch! In FLAT SHOES,The Imposter was well over six feet tall, and W.C. was wearing flip flops, so W.C. was only a moderately huge bitch. You cain't be gettin in no fights wearing no flip flops.

One thing that disturbs W.C.? This Imposter was NOT wearing a WIG. That is her everyday hur, not just her going-out hur! Does that make W.C. The Imposter?!?!?! Oh snap!

This could be the hootchie who stole them Fritos and got W.C. throwed in the jailhouse!!!

W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!
Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

BiBi's Daddy Got Her Money

OOh, Child... BiBi, look what you went and did by not listening to White Chocolate. You got your daddy in control of all your stuff, and K-Diddy got them kids.

Now, THAT second thang about the kids ain't so bad. After all, who really wants to do more than VISIT with kids? Besides, like, people who live in the 'burbs. Let K-Diddy do all the heavy lifting.

But what about your MONEY? IF you had listened to W.C., we could be out, get our hair done, and our nails did, going dranking, dancing, going on multi-hundred dollar shopping sprees at Wal-Mart or whatever your favorite store is, and eating as many derned "Cheetos" as we want.

I heard your daddy is paying himself multiple thousands per month. W.C. will do the job for half what he's making. Let me holla at your judge!

DEAR NERDS

FYI, and R.I.P. to this dude, Gary Gygax, who was a co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.W.C. got kicked out of her only game of "Dungeons and Dragons" because some of the nerd-players took offense to W.C. trying to kill all the other game characters, and because W.C. got chicken-wing grease all over the dice, and also she drank up the nerds' beers, and didn't take the game seriously enough. *Whatever!*

For realz though, this is sad because this guy was probably real creative, and he made a lot of nerds happy.

Happy Belated Balentimes!

Oh LAWD, I totally forgot to wish ya'll a Happy Valentine's Day (a/k/a Balentimes).

But, you KNOW that all that chocolate at Walgreens goes on say AFTER February 14th, right?

QUESTION: Why does the full-priced chocolate seem like it tastes better than 1/2 priced chocolate the day after V-Day?

WC heard, AFTER THE FACT, that somebody had asked an acquaintance of WC's about being her Balentime. OH HELL NO. Why you didn't tell me, trick?

I missed out on Necco talky-hearts, or Red-hots, or a Scooby Doo Balentime, or even a fancy silken rose. Or, if this was a real, quality Balentime, W.C. coulda got her EAT and DRANK on! Surf & Turf, baby!

Well, whatever. Here is your V-Day Prezzie, which I stole offa the internetz:

OK, I'ma go to Walgreen's now and get my sugar-buzz on......................... Heart-shaped Whitman's Sampler, here I come! I'll give ya'll the ones I poke my finger into and don't like.

By the way, thanks for keeping on looking out for WC to write something. WC been real busy [lazy], because the weather outside here in The M-I-A is niiiiiice, and I keep waking up under a palm tree, like a crackhead. I'll try to holla at you a little more frequently, tho.

There is always something for WC to talk about!

Kisses, hugs, hearts, kittens, rainbows, unicorns, Surf n' Turf, and DRANK,

W.C.

Eugoogelizing young hot talented people sucks.

Oh hell no!
We have lost Heath Ledger, who was an all around hot and talented dude, including when he was a hot gay cowboy. W.C. is truly shocked, appalled, and saddened at the loss of a hot man such as this... and in the same week as Josh Renfro... who was more on the B list, but not un-hot or un-talented by any means.

Kids! Pills are to be respected, and AVOIDED. Now, in olden times, W.C. would eat a pill indiscriminately, like Miss Lady PacMan... but that don't make it right, or smart!

Note: Elvis, Marylin Monroe, Jimmy Hendrix, and a ton of other people done expired prematurely due to pills. If you need to take pills, W.C. suggests TicTacs, or Altoids. That will fulfill your oral pill-popping fixation, and ALSO help your breath stankness.

For real, though. The Dark Knight movie with Heath as the Joker is probably gonna be awesome, but sad now. R.I.P. Heath, which, by the way is one of the best candy bars in existence.

W.C. has a tear in her beer.

W.C.'s - Style O' the Week #12 - Nails Did!

White Chocolate is always ALL UP in the Internetz, and sometimes she finds some interesting stuff. Case in point:This is a photo of a chick called Coko from the old school singin' group SWV. Sadly, W.C. don't remember them.

Anyhow, W.C. stole the photo and caption from one of W.C.'s favorite bloggers, Rich of FourFour. Here is the link to his blog, which should knock your socks off, if you have ever watched ANTM, or ProjRun, or if you like cats or dance music.

Anyhow, just LOOK at them nails! That takes work, seriously! W.C. would get them all tangled in her hair in no time!

SIGHTINGS! Famous people W.C. done seen

Hey Ya'll! It's almost the NEW YEAR, and WC is busy with the PARTAY season!

Still, I had to pop in and let ya'll know about my famous-person sighting today...

I was at The News Cafe on Ocean Drive today, with my homegirl, Sh'Annelle.

We had the best seats in the house, and were enjoying a fine winter morning on Miami Beach. It's never too early in the morning for champagne, let me tell you.

So then, the day got EVEN MORE fabulous, when Queen Latifah, a/k/a Dana Owens, came and sat down with the couple at the table next door! OH YES SHE DID. She was looking PURTY, and fresh-faced, and she had some big, sparkly earrings.

WC was super-jealous. For realz. Miss Dana sent back her scrambled eggs, because they was hard. But she was super sweet about it! And they WAS hard, too! I could see.

If ya'll don't hear from me before January the First, then have a HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!

Oh LAWD. WC done been in a weddin'!

The bride (Ms. W.O.B.) was lovely, and the groom (Mr. B.B.) was frightening (and neither will be depicted here because neither will agree to be associated with WC beyond "family" events), but WC was really in her element, don't you agree?

And none other than that hootchie 5 Dolla was another of the Bridesmaids:
She is a really something, ain't she??? Dominick Centaur (dressed as a Goth Extraordinarre) and Bn Bn (fresh of the boat from Myanmar) were there, too. It was an allstar cast of characters. A real wedding, can you believe it??? This lends a great deal of credibility to W.C.

She got her nails done, hair did, and everything!

WC is Back, and Corey Haim is Still Wack

WC is back, from a long trip, where WC was in a real live wedding! True story. I got my nails done, AND my hair did. It was the social event of the year!

Photos will follow, but only if WC looks purty in any of them. Otherwise, you'll have to just use your imagination.

In the meantime, for no good reason, check out this super 80's photo of Corey Haim and Corey Feldman:

WC's bestest friend (and occasional arch-nemesis) 5 Dolla used to LOVE Corey Haim back in the day, and WC never understood it. 5 Dolla had Tiger Beat photos of him all over her walls. It was basically a Shrine O' Haim.

So funny!

Even by 80's middle school standards, the Coreys were wack!

Holla at WC: Ramon edition

Ok, so a long time ago, one of W.C.'s "fans" named Ramon the Pool Boy asked W.C. a question, which W.C. didn't answer and so it somehow allegedly caused Ramon the Pool Boy to get deported.

Oops. But not really, because how is Ramon gonna try to get his deportation advice from a bona-fide par-tay girl?

Here is his question:

bye de wey i tink i habe a cuestion regardin soneteen importan. do choo no any peepls that can hel me get a green car? i need a green car so mosh eets not fony. to work and to do all de eh-stof dat peepls do heer in the choonited eh-states. been de wise and bootiful mamacita dat choo ar maybe choo no sone peepl dat no sone peepl no? green cars are har to come by ese truss me Ramon noes. can choo hel me WC get in toush wid soneone wid a green car?

Blah, blah, blah. Say what? And then he got all huffy when W.C. ignored him, and he wrote again:

hey mami, how com choo no answer no more eh? orale!!!! ramoncito no write to choo no more. i want a green car.

W.C. doesn't believe that Ramon will stop writing as promised, and figures she'll have to answer him to get him to "CALLATE."

OK, Ramon. W.C. don't even know exactly what you're talking about (ever), because your accent is inscrutable, W.C. suggests that Ramon get in touch with this guy:

Green Car! BOO-YA!

Oh, and Ramon.... if you don't want to get deported again, you should find yourself a nice U.S. citizen to trick into marrying you. BUT LAWD, NOT W.C.! Don't even THINK about it!

BloBi and BruBi, the Wonder Twins

Everybody be asking: "Hey, WC, why are you not talking about BiBi's crazy antics?" Well, WC has been on a spiritual journey of her own. No, I won't go into details, but it involved cheetos, a case of canned sparkling wine, and a wave-runner.

It seems to WC that BiBi has at least two personalities. There is Blonde BiBi (BloBi) and Brunette BiBi (BruBi). Each one gets into their own different messes.

BruBi commits a hit-and-run, while the next day across town, BloBi is dropping a baby on it's poor little soft head. BruBi shaves her head, while BloBi "performs" for the VMA's.
Neither of these two wonder-hootchies realize that it's the year 2007, on planet Earth, or that it's generally considered unseemly to smoke crack naked in front of one's babies.
Ya'll, W.C. just got back from a Cheetos-and-canned-wine-spiritual-sabbatical, and even W.C. understands these life lessons.

And the OTHER thing W.C. knows:

BIBI IS STILL COPYING W.C....

Did you all KNOW that W.C. has an alter ego??? Shocking, I know. But yes, it's true. And now you know.

Dale's Gonna Do the Dew

According to AutoWeek, Dale, Jr. is gonna be driving the MOUNTAIN DEW car, No. 88! Wow, two of W.C.'s favorite things, cute Dale JR. and delicious Mountain Dew, together at last.
Christmas came early for W.C. this year. Oh, speaking of Christmas/Solstice/Holiday celebrations, check out how you can make a Mountain Dew sody-can Christmas Tree!

Ain't it a beautiful thing, ya'll!? Ya'll best start drinking the Dew so you can be ready come December. W.C. will help if you need it.

BiBi Spears Still Copying W.C.'s Style

Uh huh. Girl, you are busted.

Here is the evidence that you are still trying to copy W.C.:

1) Rumors are flying that you didn't want your hair to be blonde for the VMA's. You wanted to get your hair did dark. Your "people" made you go blonde. You know you love W.C's dark n' lovely locks.

2) You got your DRINK on right before dancing. A classic W.C. move.

3) You eschewed the wardrobe choice of your handlers, who wanted to cover up your chunk. Instead, you chose to let it all hang out, with lots of bling. Again, a classic W.C. move.

4) The song you did was "Gimme More" which W.C. says all the time, especially when talking about Nachos, Hot Dogs, or Champagne.

5) BiBi, do you NEED any more comparisons? Girl, wake up! You do your thang, and let W.C. along do her own thing! We gotta deal? Don't make us break down all of the dance moves you done STOLE from W.C. during your "performance"...