White Chocolate

For the record....

2011-12-03T00:30:00.001-05:00

White Chocolate does NOT have Bieber Fever.

Bieber has nothing on JT!!!

NATIONAL WHITE CHOCOLATE DAY!

2011-09-22T20:44:00.002-04:00

Oh my GOOOOOODNESSS!

Today, September 22, is National White Chocolate Day, and nobody even done TOLD ME!

Well, in honor of my WC's new favorite day of the year, WC has updated her blog template. Ain't it PURTY???

All My Chirrun

2011-04-27T21:55:00.004-04:00

W.C. was up in the Seffner Wal-Mart on Easter Sunday.

(By the way, have you HAD dark-chocolate covered Peeps yet? And if not, why not? Careful, Chocolate Covered Peeps are not to be confused with "Chocolate Dipped Peeps" which is just a regular-old nasty Peep with its toes dipped in chocolate. Regular-old Peeps make WC's teeth hurt from all the crunchy dye-flavored sugar, but there is something tantalizing about Chocolate Covered Peeps. Also, have you ever tried to see how many regular Peeps fit in your mouth? If so, how many was it?).

Anyway, this girl up in the Wal-mart was SO COUNTRY, and talking so LOUD on her mobile phone, so W.C. clearly overheard her talking on the phone about "ALL MY CHIRRUN"....

W.C. doesn't know whether she was talking about the television show, or about all her kids, but....

CHIRRUN!!!!!

Style O' the Week #13: Oreo Head

2011-04-27T21:34:00.007-04:00

W.C. was surfing on the internets, and found a photo of a lovely at lady posted by Tosh.0's website, via another website.

W.C. is more of a tostitos-toenail-airbrush-job kinda gal, but this is some fancy-ass hair! Girl, why are you at Sam's Club? I'd think you might want to be at a REAL club with that fancy hair!

Then again, Sam's Club has enough good stuff up in there that you can just go on and throw your OWN fancy-ass par-tay in your back yard. I see where this is going... Well, don't forget the chips, nor the dips, and don't forget to invite W.C.!!!

Dear Carlos Irwin Estevez... It's Nap Time.

2011-03-05T00:03:00.012-05:00

Yes, you have tiger's blood. Yes, you are "WINNING!" I don't think anyone is going to dispute that, you dirty devil, you. Just look at you!!!

W.C. can relate to someone who loves to PAR-TAY. W.C. understands someone who likes drankin' and Doin' the Dew....

However, W.C. would like to humbly suggest that you take a break. A rest. Take a little "Charlie Time" and cool out a bit. Get a massage. Get a cucumber facial. Take a dip in the ocean, or a warm mud bath. Maybe get some acupuncture and reflexology. Drink a cup of herbal tea. Cleanse yourself.

Because drugs-alcohol-and-hookers --- or not --- your ass is looking a bit TIRED!

This is you on the Piers Morgan show.

It might feel like you are moving at the speed of awesome, but Dr. W.C. is here to tell you that this is the face of a man in need of a good NAP.

Charlie.... please know that W.C. is not insulting you!!!! Please don't make W.C.'s head explode with laser-vision or mind-bullets.

This is just a recommendation for optimal health from good ol' Dr. W.C.

(Also, as a side note, don't be slapping around the ladies. If you did that, it's not cool, and it's bad karma. One day you might accidentally slap the wrong lady who is gonna take her shoes and earrings off and give you a beat down!)

COOL OUT! Nap Time for Charlie!!!

Christina Aguilera, get your hair did!

2011-02-08T20:44:00.007-05:00

So, WC has to comment on the fact that Christina a/k/a "X-tina" a/k/a "TiTi" Aguilera sang the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

Everyone is saying she "forgot" the words, or she "mistakenly" sang the words messed-up.

WRONG! W.C. is pretty sure that TiTi sang that song wrong on PURPOSE because she was trying to distract everyone's attention from that STANK, stringy, old-baby-doll-haired wig!

OK, OK, wait a second. Yes, you are correct if you are to say that W.C. has a busted wig... But guess what? W.C. ain't got no J-O-B! On the other hand, TiTi does have a job, even if she is spending all her money on donuts.

That hair looks like TiTi found it at the bottom of the old "Clearance Hair Bin" at Beauty Depot (the one in Pine Hills that used to be a Publix, which is next to "J-Mart" that used to be K-Mart that used to be Zayre):

TiTi---get your hair off the regular wig-heads, and skip the bargin bin---take care of your hair girl, be it real, or be it fake!

Stank Face

2010-07-06T23:16:00.004-04:00

Lindsay done got herself a jail sentence, and just look at the STANK FACE she had on while in court today:

GURL! You are one hot mess:

showing off your nethers to the world

crashing par-tays

stealing peoples' stuff (so the rumors go)

showing up late for work

gettin your drank on while driving..... and more importantly, after getting busted multiple times, you didn't learn any kind of lesson, or even try to make it to all your drinkin classes!!! That Judge gave you a bunch of chances. You NEEDED to get served!

Miss Ho-Han, all that adds up to some serious STANKNESS. You KNOW you're stank when WC wouldn't even consider going to a par-tay with you. You give partying a bad name!

One thing WC really wants to know is, couldn't you afford a derned LIMOUSINE? Lawd!

All that being said, if you decide to go all BiBi Spears and shave off your hair, WC will go wig shopping with you!

OMG, Ya'll! Britney is 28!

2009-12-03T22:52:00.005-05:00

For real, Britney Spears has done turned 28 years old yesterday!

WC's favorite Mickey Mouse Club member (besides J.T., duh!) is now officially NOT a member of The 27 Club even though... Was she even eligible for it to begin with?

W.C. don't know the answer ...just asking.

Britney didn't even invite W.C. to celebrate with her which is a real shame, 'cause W.C. woulda brung over a fine Cheetos, Funyuns, and Corn Nuts selection, a Justin Timberlake Mega-Mix, and some fine sparkling DRANK such as Andre Cold Duck or Mountain Dew. THAT is the proper way to PAR-TAY and celebrate such a momentous accomplishment.

Go Britney! It's your Birthday!

Speaking of peoples who are alive, W.C. is NOT DEAD even though she has been on the down low AND got specifically dis-invited from at least one wedding this year. Yes, W.C. got served! Well eff ya'll too! Snooty-ass married people! No Cheetos for you!

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

2009-07-28T20:55:00.006-04:00

This is no longer Breaking News, but WC feels she should comment on the untimely (?) death of Michael Jackson. WC dug MJ unconditionally, even if he was weird. WC is weird (and misunderstood), too.

WC liked this MJ:WC liked this MJ, too:
WC even liked THIS MJ: TOP 10 things WC will fondly remember about Michael Jackson:

1) The Glove
2) The other MJ fashions, like fantastic sparkled marching band and military inspired jackets
3) The singin'.
4) The dancin' (all the MOVES, including the moonwalk).
5) We are the World, We are the Children (WC has sung this when she's drankin')
6) THE WIZ... THE FRICKEN WIZ!
7) MJ's kids, since MJ seems to be the kind of parent WC would be. Naming a kid Blanket or Princess WC, Jr., making them wear masks, dangling them over a hotel balcony, etc.
8) Parasols. WC is afraid of the sun, and if WC were to come out in the daylight she'd appreciate a good parasol like MJ did, especially if there's someone else (like a manservant or porter) to shade me with it.
9) The weird MJ stories, like the oxygen chamber, the Elephant Man's bones, and Bubbles the chimp.
10) WC would also like to chill at Neverland Ranch.

But one thing WC will never understand is why MJ liked hangin' around with all them kids. Kids are nasty, loud, stank li'l goblins, who don't respect their elders. DRINK THE JEEBUS JUICE and go to sleep 'cause WC gotta hit the town! Hahahaha. J/K, kids. WC luvs ya'll... from afar.

But WC digresses. MJ was huge, no matter how you look at it, and if he had hung out with WC she'da probably chased off that snake oil doctor who had injected him with all them drugs.

R.I.P.

WC's Florida Happenings: The Ol' McNugget Switcharoo

2009-03-03T18:27:00.004-05:00

OK Ya'll. Did you hear how a lady in Ft. Pierce called 9-1-1 because the McDonald's ran out of McNuggets? (Click the link to read the story, and hear the audio).

So this lady, named Latreasa L. Goodman, paid for her McNuggets... and then all of a sudden, they didn't have any more McNuggets. Supposedly they tried to get her to order something else that was not McNuggets that cost the same as McNuggets, like a McDouble, and said they couldn't refund her money. Ummmm....

OK, FIRST, a "McDouble" is NOT anywhere close to being McNuggets. No other item on the McDonald's menu is close. McNuggets are their own food group. Also, adding a "small" fry on top of that is insulting, even through Latreasa ordered a small fry to begin with. A small fry is what you get when you just want to wet the inside of your mouth with a little bit of delicious salt and grease, and NOT what you should be offered when your McNugget rug has just been yanked out from under your feet. Super Size that lady's fries! Duh.

Second, if you are hungry for McNuggets, and you went into McDonalds, and ordered McNuggets, and you paid for McNuggets, and you are expecting McNuggets, and your mouth is watering for McNuggets, and then you don't get any McNuggets, THAT IS AN EMERGENCY! For realz.

Now, WC LURVES Mickey D's. And WC ESPECIALLY loves McNuggets. No matter how mad or sad you may be, McNuggets will make it better. WC is not trying to speak ill of that venerable institution as a whole. But c'mon, McDonald's of Ft. Pierce! You should have given Latreasa's money back. More importantly, you shoulda warned her ahead of time that you didn't have McNuggets. Even MORE importantly, you should have re-ordered the McNuggets before you ran out of them.

A McDonald's without McNuggets is pointless.

Let me end up on a happier note by telling you a nice story about McDonald's: WC had ordered a Super Size Fry, and sat down to eat it with a big ol' pile of ketchup, and it were pretty derned good, except then all of a sudden a McDonald's employee came over with a tray of a BRAND NEW HOT FRIES and apologized that the last fries might have been a bit cool. Of course, WC ate both the old fries and the new hot fries.

Now THAT was some serious customer service, and that is also why WC wears the stretchy pants.

Ooooh LAWD, it has been a long time!

2009-02-12T21:44:00.007-05:00

Ok, WC apologizes for the loooooong absence, since x-mas time. No excuses, I was just bein lazy, eatin' cheetos, drinking champagne straight from the wonderful champagne mini-bottles, and watching The Bachelor and Mama's Boys on the television, or the "tell-lay" as they say in England, according to my (allegedly) English hootchie-friend Shell-lay, who ya'll don't know.

Anyhow, ya'lls who are reading this deserve an update, and the least WC can do is to show off the special xmas presents that 5 Dolla made for WC and the whole gang!!! 5 Dolla got an email from somewheres about making your own xmas prezzies for less money than if you bought em in the store. And SURE ENOUGH! 5 Dolla went and out-did herself. Oh yes she did!

EXHIBIT A:

Yes.... those are PERSONALIZED MAXI PAD SLIPPERS FOR WC!!!!!!!!!!!

EXHIBIT B:

The slippers, modeled. Now ya'll know that WC's shoe size is "extra-long nighttime maxi without wings"..... These slippers feature glitter paint, and sandpaper soles for traction. That girl thought of everything!

EXHIBIT C:

EVERYBODY got special, purty, sparkley "ghet-toes" slippers from 5 Dolla this year----Oats, BB, NiNi, Z-Dawg, Double-D, and WC, of course. It was glorious. As that hootchie Shell-lay might say in her horrendous accent, which I believe is fake: "Gawd bless us, ev-ray one."

Hope to holla at you kids again soon.... but right now WC has to concentrate on wiping the cheeto dust offa this keyboard.

Holiday Greetings from BiBi, Ya'll

2008-12-24T11:11:00.006-05:00

Awww, BiBi done sent the world a greeting on her website! Ain't that sweet? But BiBi, where is WC's PERSONALIZED greeting and present? After all WC has done for you this year? Hmph! Well, don't worry girl, there is still time!This is what WC would like:
It's a Mirror-Miata! Perfect! THANKS IN ADVANCE, Girl!

HAPPY FESTIVUS TO EVERYBODY, and don't forget to drink some champagne for WC on NYE!!! Get your PART-TAY on! If ya'll dress up as WC IMPOSTERS and send me a picture, I'll post my favorite ones here, and you'll be SO FAMOUS, just like WC.

BiBi had a Birthday

2008-12-05T11:44:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday to BiBi. Oh, what? WC is BELATED in conveying these birthday wishes? Well, where was BiBi when it was WC's birthday, hmmmm? No card, no cake, no nothing. Bee-yotch!But seriously girl, congratulations on surviving to your 27th. Even them pumpkin-headed KIDS of yours survived to your 27th! I credit K-Fed for that.

WC took the liberty of writing out a birthday list for you. If anyone wants to help out BiBi, just send these items "care of" WC.

---calorie-free cheetos

---A better weave (hair done)
---A better manicure (nails did)
---champagne (WC will have to drink this for BiBi since she's rehabbed)

---7 Minutes in Heaven with Justin Timberlake

---Birthday dinner: Some baby back ribs in some goooood sauce, with a side of tater salad.
---a billion dollars (of course, WC will need manage this $$ for BiBi like her Daddy already does with her other $$).

And by the way, BiBi... it's clear to us all that you done lost your sparkle. Where is it? You better find it! May this be the year you get your sparkle back!

XOXO (yeah, WC watches Gossip Girl),
WC

Another Imposter???

2008-10-13T20:44:00.009-04:00

This weekend, W.C. went to Starbucks to stock up on cheese danish samples, free brown napkins, free Splenda packets, etc., when WHAT DID SHE SPY WITH HER LITTLE EYE?

This!

THIS!!!
LAWD!!! Yes, that's right folks. It's a big, huge White Chocolate Impersonator! W.C. wishes she coulda got a picture of this hootchie's face, but it was too difficult from her vantage point, hiding behind the Half & Half at the coffee-fixins counter.

Also, W.C. woulda confronted her, but that was one huge bitch! In FLAT SHOES,The Imposter was well over six feet tall, and W.C. was wearing flip flops, so W.C. was only a moderately huge bitch. You cain't be gettin in no fights wearing no flip flops.

One thing that disturbs W.C.? This Imposter was NOT wearing a WIG. That is her everyday hur, not just her going-out hur! Does that make W.C. The Imposter?!?!?! Oh snap!

This could be the hootchie who stole them Fritos and got W.C. throwed in the jailhouse!!!

W.C. Ain't Joshin'....

2008-08-21T20:11:00.009-04:00

Aww, W.C. missed you kids! Well..... MOST of you, anyhow.

Perhaps you were thinking: "Where in tarnation has W.C. been?" Or perhaps you didn't care. But W.C. will tell you anyway.

W.C. got involved in a simple case of mistaken identity, and ended up behind bars at 33rd Street Jail! Mmm hmm..... Some derned fool W.C. impostor went on a Fritos-related crime spree (no wonder there was a mix-up cause W.C. loves some Fritos, as you all well know).

Perhaps you are thinking: "W.C., if it was so simple, how come you didn't get let out right away?"

Well, W.C. got one phone call, and HAD to use it to vote for Joshua on So You Think You Can Dance. Oooooh lawd "Joshuer" (as Cat Deely says) can dance!

Then, after the nice folks at 33rd took pity on W.C. and let her make another call, she had to call 5 Dolla and remind 5 Dolla to vote for Joshuer. And it worked, Joshuer won!
Anyway, obviously things got straightened out. It was not so bad in there, on account of the FREE FOOD and whatnot, and plenty of time to practice DANCE MOVES.

But W.C. is also happy to be out and about. There has even been a party, and 5 Dolla and Dominick were both there, and W.C. has PICTURES!!! But, no pictures shall be posted without their consent, because they are looking CRAY-GEE.

As NiNi would say: "It were good."

And as for the Imposter-Hootchie-or-Dude, W.C. is going to hunt them down! Nobody steals snack foods in the name of W.C. without sharing the bounty! "Get outta my chips!"

W.C. may or may not blog again soon, depending on whether something exciting happens.

So, what's been up with you?

As 5 Dolla would say: "Holla back!"

BiBi's Daddy Got Her Money

2008-03-13T21:39:00.009-04:00

OOh, Child... BiBi, look what you went and did by not listening to White Chocolate. You got your daddy in control of all your stuff, and K-Diddy got them kids.

Now, THAT second thang about the kids ain't so bad. After all, who really wants to do more than VISIT with kids? Besides, like, people who live in the 'burbs. Let K-Diddy do all the heavy lifting.

But what about your MONEY? IF you had listened to W.C., we could be out, get our hair done, and our nails did, going dranking, dancing, going on multi-hundred dollar shopping sprees at Wal-Mart or whatever your favorite store is, and eating as many derned "Cheetos" as we want.

I heard your daddy is paying himself multiple thousands per month. W.C. will do the job for half what he's making. Let me holla at your judge!

DEAR NERDS

2008-03-04T14:22:00.006-05:00

FYI, and R.I.P. to this dude, Gary Gygax, who was a co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons.W.C. got kicked out of her only game of "Dungeons and Dragons" because some of the nerd-players took offense to W.C. trying to kill all the other game characters, and because W.C. got chicken-wing grease all over the dice, and also she drank up the nerds' beers, and didn't take the game seriously enough. *Whatever!*

For realz though, this is sad because this guy was probably real creative, and he made a lot of nerds happy.

Happy Belated Balentimes!

2008-02-16T07:47:00.009-05:00

Oh LAWD, I totally forgot to wish ya'll a Happy Valentine's Day (a/k/a Balentimes).

But, you KNOW that all that chocolate at Walgreens goes on say AFTER February 14th, right?

QUESTION: Why does the full-priced chocolate seem like it tastes better than 1/2 priced chocolate the day after V-Day?

WC heard, AFTER THE FACT, that somebody had asked an acquaintance of WC's about being her Balentime. OH HELL NO. Why you didn't tell me, trick?

I missed out on Necco talky-hearts, or Red-hots, or a Scooby Doo Balentime, or even a fancy silken rose. Or, if this was a real, quality Balentime, W.C. coulda got her EAT and DRANK on! Surf & Turf, baby!

Well, whatever. Here is your V-Day Prezzie, which I stole offa the internetz:

OK, I'ma go to Walgreen's now and get my sugar-buzz on......................... Heart-shaped Whitman's Sampler, here I come! I'll give ya'll the ones I poke my finger into and don't like.

By the way, thanks for keeping on looking out for WC to write something. WC been real busy [lazy], because the weather outside here in The M-I-A is niiiiiice, and I keep waking up under a palm tree, like a crackhead. I'll try to holla at you a little more frequently, tho.

There is always something for WC to talk about!

Kisses, hugs, hearts, kittens, rainbows, unicorns, Surf n' Turf, and DRANK,

W.C.

Eugoogelizing young hot talented people sucks.

2008-01-23T21:34:00.000-05:00

Oh hell no!
We have lost Heath Ledger, who was an all around hot and talented dude, including when he was a hot gay cowboy. W.C. is truly shocked, appalled, and saddened at the loss of a hot man such as this... and in the same week as Josh Renfro... who was more on the B list, but not un-hot or un-talented by any means.

Kids! Pills are to be respected, and AVOIDED. Now, in olden times, W.C. would eat a pill indiscriminately, like Miss Lady PacMan... but that don't make it right, or smart!

Note: Elvis, Marylin Monroe, Jimmy Hendrix, and a ton of other people done expired prematurely due to pills. If you need to take pills, W.C. suggests TicTacs, or Altoids. That will fulfill your oral pill-popping fixation, and ALSO help your breath stankness.

For real, though. The Dark Knight movie with Heath as the Joker is probably gonna be awesome, but sad now. R.I.P. Heath, which, by the way is one of the best candy bars in existence.

W.C. has a tear in her beer.

W.C.'s - Style O' the Week #12 - Nails Did!

2008-01-09T21:21:00.001-05:00

White Chocolate is always ALL UP in the Internetz, and sometimes she finds some interesting stuff. Case in point:This is a photo of a chick called Coko from the old school singin' group SWV. Sadly, W.C. don't remember them.

Anyhow, W.C. stole the photo and caption from one of W.C.'s favorite bloggers, Rich of FourFour. Here is the link to his blog, which should knock your socks off, if you have ever watched ANTM, or ProjRun, or if you like cats or dance music.

Anyhow, just LOOK at them nails! That takes work, seriously! W.C. would get them all tangled in her hair in no time!

SIGHTINGS! Famous people W.C. done seen

2007-12-29T19:58:00.000-05:00

Hey Ya'll! It's almost the NEW YEAR, and WC is busy with the PARTAY season!

Still, I had to pop in and let ya'll know about my famous-person sighting today...

I was at The News Cafe on Ocean Drive today, with my homegirl, Sh'Annelle.

We had the best seats in the house, and were enjoying a fine winter morning on Miami Beach. It's never too early in the morning for champagne, let me tell you.

So then, the day got EVEN MORE fabulous, when Queen Latifah, a/k/a Dana Owens, came and sat down with the couple at the table next door! OH YES SHE DID. She was looking PURTY, and fresh-faced, and she had some big, sparkly earrings.

WC was super-jealous. For realz. Miss Dana sent back her scrambled eggs, because they was hard. But she was super sweet about it! And they WAS hard, too! I could see.

If ya'll don't hear from me before January the First, then have a HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!

2007-12-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

Oh LAWD. WC done been in a weddin'!

The bride (Ms. W.O.B.) was lovely, and the groom (Mr. B.B.) was frightening (and neither will be depicted here because neither will agree to be associated with WC beyond "family" events), but WC was really in her element, don't you agree?

And none other than that hootchie 5 Dolla was another of the Bridesmaids:
She is a really something, ain't she??? Dominick Centaur (dressed as a Goth Extraordinarre) and Bn Bn (fresh of the boat from Myanmar) were there, too. It was an allstar cast of characters. A real wedding, can you believe it??? This lends a great deal of credibility to W.C.

She got her nails done, hair did, and everything!

WC is Back, and Corey Haim is Still Wack

2007-11-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

WC is back, from a long trip, where WC was in a real live wedding! True story. I got my nails done, AND my hair did. It was the social event of the year!

Photos will follow, but only if WC looks purty in any of them. Otherwise, you'll have to just use your imagination.

In the meantime, for no good reason, check out this super 80's photo of Corey Haim and Corey Feldman:

WC's bestest friend (and occasional arch-nemesis) 5 Dolla used to LOVE Corey Haim back in the day, and WC never understood it. 5 Dolla had Tiger Beat photos of him all over her walls. It was basically a Shrine O' Haim.

So funny!

Even by 80's middle school standards, the Coreys were wack!

Holla at WC: Ramon edition

2007-10-20T08:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, so a long time ago, one of W.C.'s "fans" named Ramon the Pool Boy asked W.C. a question, which W.C. didn't answer and so it somehow allegedly caused Ramon the Pool Boy to get deported.

Oops. But not really, because how is Ramon gonna try to get his deportation advice from a bona-fide par-tay girl?

Here is his question:

bye de wey i tink i habe a cuestion regardin soneteen importan. do choo no any peepls that can hel me get a green car? i need a green car so mosh eets not fony. to work and to do all de eh-stof dat peepls do heer in the choonited eh-states. been de wise and bootiful mamacita dat choo ar maybe choo no sone peepl dat no sone peepl no? green cars are har to come by ese truss me Ramon noes. can choo hel me WC get in toush wid soneone wid a green car?

Blah, blah, blah. Say what? And then he got all huffy when W.C. ignored him, and he wrote again:

hey mami, how com choo no answer no more eh? orale!!!! ramoncito no write to choo no more. i want a green car.

W.C. doesn't believe that Ramon will stop writing as promised, and figures she'll have to answer him to get him to "CALLATE."

OK, Ramon. W.C. don't even know exactly what you're talking about (ever), because your accent is inscrutable, W.C. suggests that Ramon get in touch with this guy:

Green Car! BOO-YA!

Oh, and Ramon.... if you don't want to get deported again, you should find yourself a nice U.S. citizen to trick into marrying you. BUT LAWD, NOT W.C.! Don't even THINK about it!

BloBi and BruBi, the Wonder Twins

2007-10-06T18:32:00.000-04:00

Everybody be asking: "Hey, WC, why are you not talking about BiBi's crazy antics?" Well, WC has been on a spiritual journey of her own. No, I won't go into details, but it involved cheetos, a case of canned sparkling wine, and a wave-runner.

It seems to WC that BiBi has at least two personalities. There is Blonde BiBi (BloBi) and Brunette BiBi (BruBi). Each one gets into their own different messes.

BruBi commits a hit-and-run, while the next day across town, BloBi is dropping a baby on it's poor little soft head. BruBi shaves her head, while BloBi "performs" for the VMA's.
Neither of these two wonder-hootchies realize that it's the year 2007, on planet Earth, or that it's generally considered unseemly to smoke crack naked in front of one's babies.
Ya'll, W.C. just got back from a Cheetos-and-canned-wine-spiritual-sabbatical, and even W.C. understands these life lessons.

And the OTHER thing W.C. knows:

BIBI IS STILL COPYING W.C....

Did you all KNOW that W.C. has an alter ego??? Shocking, I know. But yes, it's true. And now you know.

Dale's Gonna Do the Dew

2007-09-21T19:17:00.000-04:00

According to AutoWeek, Dale, Jr. is gonna be driving the MOUNTAIN DEW car, No. 88! Wow, two of W.C.'s favorite things, cute Dale JR. and delicious Mountain Dew, together at last.
Christmas came early for W.C. this year. Oh, speaking of Christmas/Solstice/Holiday celebrations, check out how you can make a Mountain Dew sody-can Christmas Tree!

Ain't it a beautiful thing, ya'll!? Ya'll best start drinking the Dew so you can be ready come December. W.C. will help if you need it.

BiBi Spears Still Copying W.C.'s Style

2007-09-14T13:59:00.000-04:00

Uh huh. Girl, you are busted.

Here is the evidence that you are still trying to copy W.C.:

1) Rumors are flying that you didn't want your hair to be blonde for the VMA's. You wanted to get your hair did dark. Your "people" made you go blonde. You know you love W.C's dark n' lovely locks.

2) You got your DRINK on right before dancing. A classic W.C. move.

3) You eschewed the wardrobe choice of your handlers, who wanted to cover up your chunk. Instead, you chose to let it all hang out, with lots of bling. Again, a classic W.C. move.

4) The song you did was "Gimme More" which W.C. says all the time, especially when talking about Nachos, Hot Dogs, or Champagne.

5) BiBi, do you NEED any more comparisons? Girl, wake up! You do your thang, and let W.C. along do her own thing! We gotta deal? Don't make us break down all of the dance moves you done STOLE from W.C. during your "performance"...

Tyra Needs A Stylist, or Else She's Looking for a Man-Sasquatch

2007-09-08T18:55:00.000-04:00

Oh Lawd! Tyra Banks, you need to stop yourself:

What were you trying to go for with this look? It is ostrich-inspired? Is the shoulder fur scented with pheromones to attract yourself a man-squatch?

You coulda looked 75% better with a nice wig or fake ponytail, and some purty black peep toe sandals. Why are you wearing booties???

OMG, it's the toes, isn't it? You forgot to get your toes did, didn't you? I bet you have some crusty, scraggly, unpedicured, stank feets up in those boots? Oh Snap.

Girl, how you gonna tell a bunch of America's Next Top Model wannabees how to dress themselves and pretend to be models, and you can't even get yourself ready for a par-tay!?

Poor Butterscotch Stallion!

2007-08-28T17:27:00.000-04:00

OMG, get well soon, Butterscotch Stallion! Think about that movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." Remeber it? Well, without you, we'd have no Hansel (Zoolander), nor the dude you played in The Life Acquatic with Steve Zissou, nor the dude you played in The Royal Tennenbaums, nor the dude you played in The Wedding Crashers.

And your brothers would miss you. Your nose may be shaped a bit weird, but WC thinks that gives you character, sort of like WC's big-giant feet.

If you want someone to hang out with, WC will totally keep you company.

We can draw mustaches on all photos of Kate Hudson. We can eat pints of Cherry Garcia and fly kites and look for 4 leaf clovers in the park. We can make our own suede moccasins, and create art works involving plaster casts of each others faces. We can roast hot dogs and marshmallows over a campfire.

We totally can be BFFs, now that WC is trying to put some distance between herself and BiBi Spears, so that WC don't get subpoenaed by K-Fed!

Be well, for realz.

Guuuuuurl, You Can Dance!

2007-08-16T22:00:00.000-04:00

Sabra won So You Think You Can Dance!Guuuuuurl, you can dance! Me, Wild Oats, 5 Dolla, and Dominick C. were pretty much in agreement that Sabra would win. She has it all, and can dance any kind of style.

Another great season, and only like 10 more months until the next season!

Florida Happenings: WC Will Eat Your Pet

2007-08-07T19:04:00.000-04:00

There is a dude in Miami Beach who carries a rooster named Mr. Clucky all around Miami Beach and Lincoln Rd.

Exhibit A (courtesy of the above link):
WC has seen this dude with his bird. He carries it under his arm while he rides a bike on Lincoln. He shows it off to kids and grown-ups who inquire. Mr. Clucky even has a MySpace page, apparently.

Now, WC done grown up around chickens, has seen them go in the stew pot and the fryer, and has been attacked by several different hens and roosters over time.

WC knows chickens. Chickens are mean and STANK. This guy should have named his rooster McNugget.

Paris Hilton & A Llama: Separated at Birth???

2007-08-05T18:21:00.000-04:00

Somebody said to WC:

"Hey, don't you think Paris Hilton looks like a llama?"

And WC thought about it...

And WC did some research...

And WC agrees.

What do ya'll think?

So Ya'll Think You Can Dance

2007-08-03T22:03:00.000-04:00

I lurrrve that show, "So You Think You Can Dance".

You know why I lurrrve SYTYCD? Because that TV show's about DANCING, fools! WC lurrrves dancing more than Justin Timberlake. Much more!

If you have been watching SYTYCD, you know it is now down to only 6 dancers: Lauren, Danny, Sabra, Pasha, Niel, and Danny.

The two most recently booted dancers are Sara:

and Dominic:
I felt that the right decision was made with regard to B-Girl Sara and B-Boy Dom. Both were fantastic little dancers, but they just got out-performed by the others in their all-around dancing. W.C. wishes them luck, and vehemently disputes that flirty-pants Dominic was actually kissing his dance partners during two different dance numbers, as claimed by 5 Dolla.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN? WC doesn't know, but suspects the next two to be eliminated will be Pasha the Russian, and Lauren.

Ya'll might think I am wasting my time, watching a television program like this, but really it's just a rigorous training program for when I try out.

Hey, Sabra's only been dancing for 4 years, and she got onto the show! W.C.'s been dancing a lot longer than that...

The Truth Comes Out: BiBi and W.C. --- Separated at Birth???

2007-08-01T20:46:00.000-04:00

10 reasons to be suspicious: BiBi likes to DRANK. BiBi likes SUNGLASSES. BiBi likes to DANCE. BiBi Likes to CURSE. BiBi likes TACOS. BiBi got a WIG. BiBi chews GUM. BiBi ain't got time for no KIDS. BiBi lurves JUSTIN. BiBi's flip flops STANK.
Compare to WC: WC likes to DRANK. WC likes SUNGLASSES. WC likes to DANCE. WC Likes to CURSE. WC likes TACOS. WC got a WIG. WC is from the SOUTH. WC chews GUM. WC ain't got time for no KIDS. WC lurves JUSTIN. WC's flip flops STANK.
Did ya'll think that MAYBE the reason ya'll haven't heard from WC lately is because she is the new BFF of BiBi??? Well, it sure seems possible........

But no.

The TRUTH is that BiBi appears to be Single White Female-ing W.C.... The evidence speaks for itself. Feel free to point out additional evidence in the comments.

And REMEMBER: White Chocolate was DOING CRAZY while BIBI was still in the MICKEY MOUSE CLUB.

WC Been Bizzy!

2007-06-25T07:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok, ok. W.C. is sorry, everybody.

Ever since I got down here to Miami, I been a bit lax in writing. Can you blame me? Palm trees, bling, and champagne, baby! Of course, I can't afford the bling or the champagne, but I shore can crash somebody's par-tay, drink up all they drinks, eat up all they food, and wake up the next morning under a palm tree. And that's what's important in life, ya'll. For realz.

Plus, the hootchie whose computer I use and whose living room I crash in always take her laptop with her to "work" and I gotta sit around watching basic cable all day.

W.C. is SO SICK of Dr. Phil!

But, I'll get back to it a.s.a.p., you hear me? I still owe answers to two "Ask W.C." questions, and I will probably "live-blog" my favorite TV Show "So You Think You Can Dance" once they get down to the last 10 peeps, and If anybody wanna holla, I'll try to holla back at ya.

Can I just say one thing though about current events? Paris' ass went to jail! Paris' ass went to jail! Paris' ass went to jail! I would normally never mention that nasty girl, but it bears repeating, because W.C. takes care NEVER to drank and drive, or drive at all for that matter.

Designated Drivers, peoplez! Make other people drive your drunk ass around, and trust W.C., it'll be much more fun!

(End public service announcement)

Uhh... Happy Monday. Holla!

JT Has a Business Venture

2007-05-30T08:16:00.001-04:00

Justin Timberlake is launching his own record label! Who does he think he is? Sean "Puff-Daddy" "Puffy" "P-Diddy" "Diddy" Coombs?

Well, good for Justin, but W.C. doesn't understand the name of JT's new label:

Tenman???

What does the TEN stand for? Ten fingers and ten toes? That's about average for most people, so it can't be that.

Perfect ten? OOh, that would be conceited!

Shouldn't it be something like SexyBack Recordings? I dunno. Help a girl out! We gotta get Justin on the right track!

You know what else this means? A pity-album for BiBi Spears! Woo hoo! I'ma get my dance on!

You found White Chocolate, your search is over.

2007-05-25T15:08:00.000-04:00

W.C. subscribes to Site Meter (you can see their visitor counter down at the bottom of the page). Site Meter lets W.C. know how people find her blog, and, for example, which search terms people use to find it. Some of these search terms made W.C. LAUGH AND LAUGH!

The all-time most popular search leading to W.C.'s blog is:

---"ghet-toes" and/or "ghet toes" (that's very expected, because W.C. loves pointing out people's ghet-toes!)

Some of the other ones you might find interesting include:

---"types of cheetos" (which is fitting, because W.C. knows EVERYTHING about cheetos).

---"ni's chocolate" (which W.C. doesn't understand at all).

---"mcconaughey gossiping" (which makes sense, because W.C. LOVES to gossip about hot mens).

---"kiddy tine nest" (which W.C. REALLY doesn't understand AT ALL, and if this means something nasty in another language, W.C. apologizes).

---"dominick centaur" (it only came up once, which W.C. thinks was just due to my friend of the same name checking out his searchability, which is totally legit... W.C. does that on a daily basis... but this is a fact that only D.C. himself can confirm or deny).

---"coleslaw wrestling 2007" (which----just wait until 2008, because W.C. wants to be all UP in that coleslaw to win the $500!!!, assuming a good wig can be found that won't come off during the greasy cabbage scrapping).

---"brazilian wax" (which unfortunately, WC knows waaay too much about... Ay ay ay!).

---"barefooted" (which is how W.C.'s friend BiBi Spears likes to be).

And finally.........................................

---"apopka hottest bitches" (which, it probably goes without saying, is W.C.'s MOST FAVORITIST SEARCH, EVER, BY A LONG SHOT!).

Ain't that something? Ain't the Internetz amazing?! Someone out there was looking for Apopka's hottest B's, and they found THE MOST HOTTEST ONE!

Your search is over, Mr. or Mrs. Internet-User! Your search is over.

George Clooney is a man-ho.

2007-05-25T09:26:00.000-04:00

George Clooney is a man-ho! This news is a bit old, but bears repeating. G.C. kissed a woman cause her man paid George $350,000! LAWD, that is a bundle of clams!

Matt Damon's all "Dude, George, I woulda loaned you money if I had known you were hard up, buddy."

The brown headed hootchie kissing my man is all like "alrhlahalahalha" with her tongue. Eww.

The nice blonde lady with the green dress is like, "Heeeeeey, baby? What you give me for one million dollars?"

And George is like, "Arrrgh! I think the reflections of your chartreuse sequins gave me migrane headache! What a friggen' shame. Let me get back to you on that." (LOL, just kidding, Ellen Barkin but damn that's a shiny dress).

YO GEORGE! W.C. gots three-fitty for you!

Three dollas and fifty cents, that is. For that amount, will you at least wave at me from across the room???

Stank Report, South Beach Edition

2007-05-24T10:14:00.000-04:00

W.C. is BACK! I owe an "Ask W.C." answer to at LEAST two people, and both of them questions are/were time sensitive. DOH!

W.C. will get on to that task, but in the meantime, here is a camera-phone pic taken on beeyootiful South Beach:

LAWD! You know it gets HOT down here, right? You know it's seriously tropical in these here parts of the United States. Well how the HELL you gonna put your STANK shoes up in the back window of your car?

You know the sun is gonna heat them up, and release a cloud of FOOT FUNK in your auto!

Even if you are homeless, and living out of your car (which sometimes happens in SoBe), please put those shoes in the trunk, baby!

Hammer Time!

2007-05-08T20:37:00.000-04:00

Katie Holmes is purty. She got a purty child. She got a purty girly-man as her wedded husband and alleged baby-daddy. She got purty friends, and purty clothes, and purty shoes. But her feet???
THEM FEET GOTS TO GO! And I know my friend DWC ain't gonna be happy that I am back on feet, but day-um... "Ms. AU" sent these via the email, and WC couldn't possibly pass up the chance to comment.

Since WC seen these toes, all I can think of is MC Hammer, Hammer-time, Det. Mike Hammer from Sledgehammer, and a Ham-and-Cheese Sammich with some CORN chips (but that one is just because WC is hongry).

Katie! GURL, have your man go get you some Dr. Scholl's! You are too purty to have them STANK TOES.

WWDT?! (WHAT WOULD DAWSON THINK?)

BiBi wears ugly clothes

2007-05-05T00:02:00.001-04:00

Girl, that top looks like you got it at Guess Closeout Factory store off of the 2-for-$9.99 rack.
You watch America's Next Top Model? Cause my girl Dionne was wearing a top like that a few weeks back and she like to have gotten herself thrown off the show! Is that why you look sad, girl? Don't worry, Dionne got herself together, and you can too.

I know you still got that Louisiana Mall Mentality, and being from modest means I can feel you on that, but you got money now! That's why you signed that pre-nup! Shop like you got some real money in your pocket once in a while!

We got a saying where I am from: "GIRL, SOMEBODY DONE LIED TO YOU."

Get thee to Rodeo Drive, and go with someone who will TELL YOU THE TRUTH. Better yet, come down to Miami and go shopping at the Macy's at Dadeland. There's one real sweet Cuban sales lady who works up in the DKNY department or thereabouts, and she WILL tell you how it is. She says: "Oh no, baby. I don like thees ones for you" and will bring you something much purtyer to try on, and THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.

Don't be trying to fool WC now---*I* can tell the difference between Gucci and Fucchi.

Holla at WC: Question from Black Vanilla

2007-04-27T23:56:00.000-04:00

***"Holla at W.C." is a (new) feature of W.C.'s Blog, which shall serve as a forum in which W.C. can help you in the journey of life. You have questions. W.C. ALWAYS has an answer.***

Dear WC:

Ware culd I find some good hare reemoovin creem? I been usin this Nair stuff an it jus give me the wors rash. Lordy! This uther nite when I were expecting Artel to come over to spen tha nite, I naired down in my cooch and then alla sudden got this awful fearsom itch. turn out it were a aylurjick reyakshun! Now i gotta find sumthin uther than Nair. Any Sujessjuns?

Yur Frend,

WC RESPONDS: OOH LAWD. Black Vanilla, I know that's you writing. But even if I hadn't already seen your myspace pics, I would KNOW you must be one HAIRY BITCH! You would not be writing if you weren't as hairy as a damn SASQUATCH!
Girl! Throw that Nair out! Call in the big guns! You ever tried waxing? It hurts like hell, but it don't grow back so fast as the Nair'd hairs do.

Let me warn you though: WC went to a FANCY joint here in Miami Beach to get my hootchie cootchie waxed. Down here they call it a Brazilian, and let me tell you, they go ALL the way from Canada to Brazil. Once I left, I felt like I pretty much just had a thespian experience. Those ladies get right comfortable with your kibbles and bits! But wouldn't you know it? I went and showed my manfolk how I had done got a wax, and he told me how he prefers a hairy Sasquatch woman! He left me and my Uncle Fester... and went and found a hippie chick:
Can you believe that? Some mens just like hur. So first, maybe you ought to ask your boyfriend Artel what he like. Maybe he like a little TEXTURE in that region!
But then, if it turn out he like it smooth, make HIS ASS pay for it. AND while your at it, make his ass buy you a 40 before you go in there.... ...or a derned roofie... because OOOOOOH LAWD. All W.C. is saying, it's best your ass be drunk before, during, and after it happens.

Good luck & let me know how it go!

xoxo,
White Chocolate

P.S... To anybody else who wanna write WC, I won't out your name if you don't want me to. But I figured Black Vanilla wouldn't mind, and she didn't say she didn't wanna be shouted out.

P.P.S.. I'ma gonna get my drank on tonight! C-Ya!

Holla at W.C.

2007-04-26T15:48:00.000-04:00

***"Holla at W.C." is a (new) feature of W.C.'s Blog, which shall serve as a forum in which W.C. can help you in the journey of life. You have questions. W.C. ALWAYS has an answer.***

Dear WC: I may have a stalker. Any suggestions?

--T.G., Miami Beach, FL

WC RESPONDS: Okay Mr. or Miss T.G.... First off, W.C. is gonna assume that the stalker is STANK. If he/she weren't STANK, you would not be writing to W.C. about it.

[For example, W.C. would not mind being stalked by either Daniel Craig, or Justin Timberlake (they are welcome to take the hint, you know, in case they happen to be reading). However, nobody likes a STANK stalker.]

This person probably has too much time on their hands. You need to make sure they are busy, VERY BUSY, but without getting directly involved. W.C. has the solution. Why not pay a crackhead to stalk your stalker for you? The right crackhead can be energetic and productive! For a very low price, you can entice a crackhead to safely and effectively annoy the hell out of your Stank Stalker: Dead flowers on the doorstep. Hundreds of emails. Hundreds of letters. Anything you want! The only limit is your imagination.

The only challenges are: (1) keeping your crackhead on task; and (2) paying them in small enough increments so that they don't run off with the yeyo before getting the job done.
ALSO, if you are gonna let the crackhead box up items to send to the S.S., be sure to pre-stamp letters and packages, and tape over it. Otherwise the crackhead may peel off the stamps and try to re-sell them.

ALSO, if you let them use a computer, it should be bolted down. EVERYTHING should be bolted down. If you follow these suggestions, your Stank Stalker will be up to his/her gills in emails and letters, and waaaay too distracted to bother you. In fact, he/she may enjoy the advances.

Once the crackhead runs off with all your pencils and pens and stops sending any email, your S.S. will be really bothered, and will miss all of the attention. He/she will then direct their attention to renewing contact with the crackhead, who won't mind a bit, because he/she will be chilling under a palm tree in Barnett Park in Orlando with a couple a dimes!

Problem solved!

xoxo,
White Chocolate

P.S. Crack is wack! Don't do crack kids!

P.P.S., My girl 5 Dolla got a job now, so she ain't up for hire, but she probably knows somebody:

BiBi Off or On Wagon? W.C. Confused.

2007-04-25T22:45:00.000-04:00

Oh, BiBi. WC gots more questions than answers today.

FIRST, how you gonna wear a hat that is from 10 years ago?

THEN, how you gonna wear it over top of a busted-ass wig?

THEN, how you gonna let your nip hang out all over the place?

ALSO, BiBi, is that a purple bra-strap hanging off your shoulder?

ALSO, where your purty grill went?

ALSO, where them babies at?

LAWD. WC is plumb tired out from this girl. 5 Dolla said she has been reading up on BiBi this week, and that girl done got an entire extra baby worth of fat lipo-sucked from herself. Good for you, BiBi! Suck out ALL them Cheetos!

ALSO, BiBi has been dancing again (practicing her moves!), AND she been dranking the booze again. Sounds like she's on the WC path to happiness and enlightenment!

WC's Style of the Week, #11

2007-04-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

If you have ever seen shoes like this before, W.C. will give you a dolla.

Or ... a nickel.

Ummm... well... actually, W.C. ain't got a wallet or pockets at the moment... so IF you've seen shoes like this before, W.C. will just give you a slap on your behind. Like in football.

On to the shoes:

WOO HOO! These are lace-up HORSE BOOTS, sent in the email via a dude who is appropriately called Shoe. Thanks, Shoe (shout-out from W.C.)!

These boots would make W.C. taller than a drag queen! And not only that, but they look good for stomping around with, especially up in the club where W.C. would be able to see over the heads of EVERYBODY.

And it would be good for one of W.C.'s fave dance moves, called "The Horse"... The Horse can be described such-like: Think Elaine Benes, mixed with Marky Mark, mixed with a Vanilla Ice running man, with a little MC Hammer thrown in.

More later...

WC's Style O' the Week, #10

2007-04-13T12:58:00.000-04:00

Some people done found even purtier toes than W.C. had found last time! Here is the picture:

OOH LAWD! W.C.'s previously commented about some similarly styled toes. Here is the encore presentation, in case you already forgot:

Girls, these toes WILL get stomped on up in the club. You best watch out!

Stuff Ya'll Can Buy (for W.C.)

2007-04-12T15:50:00.000-04:00

OK, OK... ya'll don't really NEED to buy this for W.C.:

But DAWG! The fact that a Mickey-D's french fried tater-holder with BOTH Baby BiBi and Baby J.T. on it still exists boggles W.C.'s mind! And it's available for sale on eBay?! That is cuh-ray-zay!

W.C.'s fry containers usually get all greasy and sqashed right off the bat. Or, sometimes I fold down the top, to save some fries in my purse for later. Mmm mmm... add some fresh salt and ketchup to those cold taters, and they are as good as new, and perfect when W.C. is hongry after a night of par-taying.

The point is, this tater-holder is a rare find. Go ahead and spring for the 5 bucks (it's that much, because of $3.95 shipping) and BUY THIS THING. In 20 years, you'll totally be able to get your money back, plus at LEAST a dollar or so more.

Investment strategy, W.C. style!

Can U Hear W.C. Now?

2007-04-10T21:53:00.000-04:00

Yet ANOTHER piece of evidence that (1) W.C. is a trend-setter and (2) everybody loves W.C....

There is a phone named after W.C.! Check it out: IF W.C. had a phone, this would be the phone. Unfortunately, neither that nerd-dude from Verizon, nor the LG company has yet seen fit to hook a bitch up!

Until then, W.C. will continue to use her pager from fricken 1992:
...and call people back from the parking lot at 7-11. That is NOT fabulous, people. Therefore, if anybody gots a connection at the phone company, let W.C. know.

Also, if the phone comes with those little stick-on sparkle-blingz, even better!
You KNOW what W.C. likes, Babies!

Post-Easter Greetings, and Style of the Week, #9

2007-04-09T15:21:00.000-04:00

W.C. LOVES when people go out of their way to be festive. This Style of the Week (and a big shout-out to my dawg MiMo for emailing) is dedicated to a lady who really put a lot into her Easter hairdo: Are you puzzled, reader? Are you thinking "well, that lady's hair sure looks purty, and the style contains hints of a lovely pastel spring theme, but WHERE do you get EASTER out of this hairdo, W.C.?"

Well, let W.C. continue:

BOO-YA! EASTER BASKET WOVEN ONTO HEAD. But wait, there's MORE:

EGGS! Grass! Basket Handle!

The Easter Bunny would be proud... not that W.C. cares what the Easter Bunny thinks, because he didn't bring so much as ONE PEEP nor CADBURY EGG for W.C. this year. Good thing they are 1/2 off at Walgreens now! The only happier day in all the year is February 15th. WC's gotta go get her sugar-buzz on... C-ya!

BiBi with a "Real" Grill

2007-04-06T23:08:00.000-04:00

These people done did what 5 Dolla was tryin' to do! 5 Dolla, you just got SERVED! Lookie here:

Ta da!

W.C. LUVS THE INTERNETS!

BiBi Spears is still a mess...

2007-04-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

W.C. found this pic of BiBi and just had to say something, and thankfully somebody had already blacked out BiBi's bibi, which you can see because she done forgot her underwearz again!
Dear BiBi,

Nice wig, nice purse. The jury is out on those velvet bike shorts, but at least you ain't gonna flash your hootchie-cootchie. As for your STAINED-ASS SHIRT:

QUESTION: Why the HELL do you think White Chocolate wears BLACK to every par-tay?

ANSWER: W.C. wears black because nobody can see the food and drank that you spill all over yourself when your ass gets drunk and hongry. As long as you don't have dandruff (those lights in the club WILL show dandruff and other skurry types of stains), then wearing black is ALWAYS the way to go. Especially for hongry and thirsty girls like you and me.

At LEAST you weren't drinking red wine. Also, when you know the cameras are following you, why not just stay in your seat at the restaurant until that stain dries?!

Unless that's grease. DOH.

W.C.'s Style O' The Week #8, and BiBi Back in the News

2007-04-04T17:59:00.000-04:00

W.C. done fell, and and squashed her purtiest party-glasses and broke 'em. Potential replacements:

Ain't these nice? They match W.C.'s new pimp goblet. Do you have any other suggestions? W.C. CANNOT go out partying again until the glasses are replaced. This is a rule. It helps protect W.C. from the paparazzi (or the Pavarotti, as BiBi's former man K-Fed creatively calls them).

OOH, and speaking of BiBi and Stank-Fed, maybe that boy is smarter than W.C. gives him credit for, because he is allegedly getting ALL KINDS of BiBi's money, plus those babies four days a week!

That's probably a good thing, because it means BiBi only has to concentrate for 3 days a week on not dropping them, or leaving them wandering on Rodeo Drive, or flashing her hootchi-cootchie around them, or trading them for magic beans.

Silly BiBi---REAL magic beans cost WAY more than a couplea babies!

Orlando has Mickey Mouse, M-I-A just gots RATS.

2007-04-03T13:43:00.000-04:00

OH LAWD! M-I-A gots RATS! Many, many rats. Like a million. More than W.C. can count up to, fo sho. That is seriously STANK!
The 305 don't sound so fancy when the big international airport is all CHOCK FULL OF RATS, now does it?

M-I-A could hire this guy, or they could just turn the situation into a tourist attraction. Re-name the airport Miami's Famous Rat Jungle and International Airport, with a cute plush Mickey Mouse style mascot, El Raton Rigoberto! Pretend like you planned it that way, M-I-A! Spin that news!

First Promotion: Free cookie to the first 1,000,000 kids to catch one of Rigoberto's cousins! Woo hoo!

No News is Good News? And Style O' the Week, # 7

2007-03-30T14:23:00.000-04:00

Sorry folks. W.C. got into a box of wine, and therefore has been asleep at the posting wheel. Therefore, if any of ya'll repeat offenders (you know who you are) been checking back to see if W.C. got anything to say 'bout anything, W.C. is sorry.

However, W.C.'s friend "D.W.C." pointed a brand new hur-style called the Pony-Hawk, a/k/a Faux-Hawk, which W.C. will claim for use as her Style of the Week:

LAWD! W.C. gotta veto this one and call it the STANK Style O' The Week, but tell me what ya'll think. Maybe W.C. is just jealous cause her purty hair won't do that style!

D.W.C. also blogs the Britney-Gun-In-Church incident:

Oh my goodness. That is cuh-ray-zay. That BiBi is a traveling circus. Careful of what you read on D.W.C.'s site though because some of it is weird and perverted and involves fruit roll-ups, and if you are under 18 it ain't suitable for you, and you should go surf Nickelodeon instead.

O.K. So W.C. will try to stay out of the wine, and keep up with giving you the important style news you crave.

JT: Don't hate the playa

2007-03-28T15:55:00.000-04:00

Don't be hating on Justin Timberlake:

...Just because W.C.'s boy JT is all hugged up with two major, A-List hootchies at the same time. He can't help his li'l self.

BiBi got her nails did...

2007-03-28T13:42:00.000-04:00

W.C.'s girl 5 Dolla has been a busy little internet worker bee, and has turned up this article about BiBi, along with this photograph: As the article notes, check out BiBi's hot-pink french tips.

Well, W.C. doesn't at disapprove of BiBi taking care of herself and getting her NAILS DID and stuff, even if this current UNBEWEAVEABLE, hair-full image flies in the face of the new hard-rocking image that BiBi was cultivating...

Still, BiBi----> If you are trying to turn back the clock and go back to olden times, just paint the whole nail pink, ok Girl? Or get a straight up french manicure.

Get yourself a stylist! W.C. will even act as your style-consultant for free! BiBi, it's a fine line you are walking ...you know where to reach me, Girl.

Oh Snap! Big Moe Denied Entrance to Shaq's B-Day

2007-03-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

The news for the day is that Shaq had a b-day party at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, and SOMEHOW Star Jones made it past the velvet rope:

...but poor Big Moe (Anna Nicole's former bodyguard) got denied at the door. Big Moe doesn't even have a JOBBITY JOB anymore, and Shaq's door-dudes are hating on the man?

WC SHOULD have busted up in there. With WC on his arm, Big Moe would have gotten in.

Also, he apparently doesn't know the rule that if at first you don't succeed, there's always sneaking in through the kitchen! HA HA HA, you laugh, but there is a whole troupe of crusty old party crashers W.C. done met in N-Why-C who think they are super fancy, but yet they will sneak under a fence in a second if there are some jumbo cocktail scrimps on the other side!

But WC digresses....

Chin up, Big Moe! Shaq just wanted to ensure he'd be the tallest dude at the party on his big day!

BiBi getz a Grill?

2007-03-27T09:28:00.000-04:00

According to semi-reliable news sources, BiBi has made a quick post-rehab dash to the dentist. According to TOTALLY UNRELIABLE news sources, i.e. speculation, conjecture, and photoshopping by my girl "5 Dolla"... the reason for the stop at the dentist was to get fitted for a NEW GRILL:

OH LAWD, 5 Dolla need a new photo-editing program. BiBi looks good with a grill, but Professor W.C. thinks BiBi actually went in for "Molar Pain" as reported, in order to get a pain-meds scrip!

Once a bare-footed crackhead, always a bare-footed crackhead! But W.C. loves you, BiBi!

WC's Style O' the Week, #6

2007-03-26T14:08:00.000-04:00

LAWD, these are purty and sparkley:

Rhinestone encrusted glue-on nails!!! And not only are these good-lookin', they are also practical: Durable, re-usable, interchangeable. You can wear these on your hands or your TOES, or both!

No Nekkids Allowed

2007-03-26T13:52:00.000-04:00

W.C. went walking on Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach last night. You wouldn't have recognized me, because I didn't have my hair fixed.

On the door of one store, called "Design Within Reach" there was this sign:

No Nekkids Allowed!

Now W.C. agrees that going any public place all barefooted sounds pretty NASTY (BiBi Spears, are you listening?). So that part of the sign is fine.

But as to the rest of the sign: If W.C. weren't afraid of getting on the bad side of the Miami Beach P.D. and weren't so much of a PROPER LADY, Rollerblade-Streaking on Lincoln Road sounds right fun!

If anybody does this, you best be sure to send the pics to W.C. as soon as you get out of County!

J.D. = crazier than W.C.!

2007-03-23T07:58:00.000-04:00

When W.C. goes out on the town, some folks say: "Hey W.C.... You CRAY-ZEE!"

And yes, W.C. can get into a groove, and get downright FUNKY. But W.C. always says "there are PLENTY of people crazier than W.C." in the partying department.

Case in point:
LAWD, Janice Dickenson! W.C. can see your drawers!

J.D. is fabulous, though. She's gonna be 75 one day, and will still find a way to Botox her way to looking exactly like she does in this picture.

Q: In hand-to-hand combat between Tyra Banks and J.D., who would win?

WC Sez: Boycott Tennessee?

2007-03-22T15:53:00.000-04:00

The word on the street is that Justin Timberlake's home-state of Tennessee thinks he is too sexy to be associated with the state! Just like Elvis! Apparently, "State Sen. Ophelia Ford had introduced the resolution to honor Timberlake, a Tennessee native, 'for his highly successful music career and for his meritorious service to the State of Tennessee.' But Sen. Raymond Finney, R-Maryville, removed it from a list of resolutions that is expected to get unanimous support in the Senate."

Now, WC don't know anything about politics, but WC is PRO-J.T., cause that boy can DANCE!

BiBi gets hugged up with a dude!

2007-03-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

Good news! BiBi Spears MUST finally be listening to WC's advice. According to information from my girl 5 Dolla, BiBi done got all hugged up with a dude named Jason Filyaw who has a band called Riva. Here he go:

BiBi, this boy ain't half-bad-looking, both of ya'll got shaved heads, both of ya'll sing, and both of ya'll got that hard-living-rehab credibility going for you.

(Of course, we must take breaking news reported by 5 Dolla with LESS credibility than other, reliable sources of news like The National Enquirer. After all, 5 Dolla IS the one who gave me a container of partially used deodorant for Santy Claus Day. I been using that deoderant too, after I wiped off her stank from the top layer with a tissue.)

But W.C. digresses. BiBi, I am glad to see you are back in the game, and listening to Auntie W.C.'s advice. Get out there and get your nails did for your new man! And GURL, write to W.C. sometime and give me a personal update, so's I don't hafta rely on third-hand info from stank deodorant re-gifters!

W.C.'s Style of the Week, # 5

2007-03-21T18:44:00.000-04:00

If any of ya'll got some money burning a hole in your pocket, buy these for W.C., a'ight?

Size: REEEALLY BIG.
Color: Any color ya'll decide is fine.
Use: W.C. is gonna par-tay in these puppies, ya'll!

No JT for BiBi...

2007-03-21T11:39:00.000-04:00

Well, BiBi is busting out of rehab--legitimately this time. And along with that news, everybody is reporting that JT don't want nothing to do with her crusty, barefooted self (which is what he means when he says "we just friends").

Well, BiBi... maybe it's for the best. JT is a little too pretty and polished for your new career track that W.C. has designed for you. You need to partner up with someone who is more on your new head-shaved, rock-out level.

Maybe this dude:

His name is Pete Doherty (no relation to Shannon that W.C. knows of) and like you, he also enjoys partying, going in and out of rehab, rocking out, and long walks on the beach.

Anyone else have some suggestions of suitable suitors for post-rehab BiBi???

WC's Style O' the Week, #4

2007-03-20T21:52:00.000-04:00

THIS IS THE BESTEST EVER STYLE O' THE WEEK. EVER.

Of course, there are only 4 total styles o' the week so far. But W.C. can safely say that it will be tough to come close to matching this. Aren't these toes the FANCIEST toes you've seen:

Fancy and purty though these may be, none-the-less W.C. sees a few problems with toes like these.

1) shoe choice limitation.

2) dancing-moves limitation.

OH LAWD, you KNOW some big-footed SASQUATCH gonna step on one of these purty toes up in the club, and either scuff them, or knock one of them clear off.

Good luck, girl!

W.C.'s Style O' The Week: #3

2007-03-14T16:21:00.000-04:00

Since W.C. has been shacking up in Miami, W.C. is a fan of the Miami Dolphins football team, and so is this lady:
The small-print writing on the side of this picture tells us that these nails got did by Princess, and also "Fierce Nails Online".... But W.C. googled that, and found nothing.

If W.C. could find Princess, W.C. might would get these did... except for you see how the dolphin comes out from the nail??? That would SHORELY get snagged up in my hair, and how embarrassing if I pulled my OWN hair off my head with my purty nails. Besides that little issue, W.C. gives this style two Press-On-Nailed-Thumbs Up, for TEAM SPIRIT and originality.

Breaking News! STANK Report!

2007-03-13T16:54:00.000-04:00

From Orlando---D.W.C. reports that the tourists and Universal Studios employees are gossiping about the scrumptious MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY. Apparently, M&M is super-duper STANK. Once he gets out in the sun without his DEO, it's all about the B.O! Lawd, but his stank self is still good looking. He can bring his STANK over to W.C. any time!

Thanks to D.W.C. for the coverage.

W.C.'s Florida Happenings: Coleslaw Wrestling

2007-03-08T11:46:00.000-05:00

Ooooh LAWD:

Did you know there is coleslaw wrestling in CenFla? W.C. didn't enter this contest this year, but these skurry ladies need to watch out for W.C. come NEXT YEAR! $500 goes to the winner, and ya'll KNOW W.C. would have won.

Thanks to news-monger D.W.C. for the hot tip.

Hope for BiBi

2007-03-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

Hey BiBi! I just heard some fabulous news! Timbaland wants to help your crazy self, and Justin is on board as long as you lotion up your feet and wear underwear and stuff.

Naw, don't be mad, girl!!!

This is good! This is more than we ever could have dreamed. Here go a quote from The Miami Herald article linked above where Timbaland sez:

'I asked Justin, `How would you feel about me working with Britney?' I had to ask him that. I said, 'Would you do it with me?' ''
The 26-year-old SexyBack singer said he would, according to Timbaland, who notes: ``She's just gotta be serious.''

That sounds good, girl! ..............On the other hand, BiBi, perhaps you are COOL with your new, bad-ass self. I was talking to my friend Dominick W. Centaur 'bout this, who wisely suggested a number of alternative career choices, which W.C. agrees with:

You could team up with Prince and do a punk-rock version of Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares to You"!
Not to mention re-makes of your old songs in punk/ska/metal format.
Maybe "Hit Me Baby One More Time" as a rock/rap-duet with Fred Durst. That would be totally deep.
Use that rage you got, GURL! "Grrrrrrrrrrr":

The time for schoolgirl outfits and fluffy pink hair pompoms is clearly over. You have some real street cred right now! Use it!

W.C.'s Featured Style O' the Week, #2

2007-03-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

Continuing in the same vein as last week's Style O' the Week, we have a a lovely display of assorted snacks-as-nails, displayed atop a cheetos bag (nice touch!):W.C. can't even begin to tell ya'll how HONGRY this lady's nails makes me.

And also jealous, because W.C. want nails like this.... except I gotta put my own W.C.-Style spin on it, so want them all different types of ONLY CHEETOS (crunchy, spicy, original, etc.), and I want them on my FEET so as I can wear flip flops/chancletas and so everyone will see my CHEE-TOES.

W.C.'s Featured Style O' the Week, # 1

2007-02-28T12:59:00.000-05:00

W.C. gets sent lots of emails with PURTY pictures of people with their nails and hair did. W.C. wants to share the wealth of these LOVELY creations. Now, W.C. don't wanna be accused of stealing folks' pictures. I gots these via email. So, if you are the manicurist or the hair-dooer who did any picture I post, or if the pic is of your head or foot, let me know. I'll be happy to attribu-tate you to the photo, or let people know where your nail shop is, and maybe even stop by myself. The photos I shall post are no boring, ORDINARY styles.... So, here we go, Numero Uno:

These nails are really something special, and W.C. likes them MOST OF ALL because the drinks featured here, especially Mountain Dew, are some of the BEST and most TASTIEST drinks in the world. We got RC Cola, Pepsi, Mello Yellow (!!!!!!), Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, Sprite, and 7Up. This person must work for PepsiCo, because of the Coca-Cola shut out.

W.C. sez: "Bravo! Bravo!" What do ya'll think?!

Never mind, girl.

2007-02-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

Dear BiBi: I just read the news. Forget I said anything about trying to get you and Justin Timberlake back together. When I wrote that the time was ripe for you to leap into action to get Justin's attention, I didn't mean you should do THIS:

Ooh, LAWD! Girl, first of all: You are looking craygee, and it ain't even The Baldness. It's your eyes. You are shooting crazy bullets out of them eyes.

Second of all: How you gonna copy MY style, with your new wig, and wearing shiny glasses at night, and dancing on tables and drinking beverages with alcohol in them until your nose turns red, sneaking out of rehab, walking around barefooted, and hitting peoples' cars with umbrellas? That's MY thing. You are stomping your crusty feets on MY territory. You are just like this girl "Black Vanilla" that I know, who lives in a trailer with Ni Ni's ex-BF Artel in Apopka, who is constantly copying everything I do.

Third of all: W.C. aimed a little high by saying we could get you back with JT. Girl, do you WANT you a man? It isn't required, of course. For example, W.C. has been single and happy since the beginning of time, besides deep-meaningful-relationships-from-afar with several celebrity boyfriends. However, IF you do want yourself a BoyFriend (OR a GF?) then W.C. suggests aiming a little lower.

Stanky Federline MIGHT be a candidate given your history together, although --- W.C. is shocked at saying this --- Stank-Fed might be a little above your league at this point....

Final point: Did u adopt your kids over to Angelina J. and Brad P.? Maybe you should consider it! Heck, even W.C. would do a better job looking after them babies at this point.

What has the world come to?

Oooh, Britney! Not again, Girl!

2007-02-05T21:17:00.000-05:00

Girl! I was checking out one of the gossip blogs I read, and I saw something that like to have made me slack-jawed in disbelief. GIRL. Well yes, I know you done showed your hootchie cootchie a coupla times. But THAT is NOT what I am talking about. Rather, the thing that bothers W.C. is THIS:

GIRL, it looks to me like you done left that TAG IN YOUR DRESS. Oh. My. Goodness.

PLEASE don't tell me you gonna return it later, except I already know that is the ONLY reason somebody gonna leave a tag in a dress. I KNOW it ain't comfortable having that stiff tag rubbing against you, and I KNOW you can FEEL it, girl. Well, W.C. can sure SEE it. And if W.C. can see it, JUSTIN CAN SEE IT. AND IF JUSTIN CAN SEE IT, HOPE MAY BE LOST.

Sure, W.C. has maybe left a tag in a purty blouse or something, once or twice, and then took it back to the West Oaks Mall (Magik Mall don't take NOTHING back!)... assuming I didn't get too much STANK on it (although Febreeze was invented for a reason). But while that is something W.C. can get away with, you cain't! Plus, W.C. ain't got no paycheck and everybody know you got money, so what is going through your head!? You frustrate me, Girl.

You BEST be glad I won't forward this to JT to gain a competitive advantage over your stank barefoot self. But deep down, W.C. believes in true love, and what says true love MORE than those matching head-to-toe denim outfits you and JT wore that one time? Remember that?! That was special, and worth saving. Together we can make that happen again, Girl!

First step: Cut out them tags. OWN that dress, Girl!

Happy New Years!

2007-01-09T22:46:00.000-05:00

OOOH, Santy Clauz was niiiice to W.C. this year. Among other things, I gots a FANCY, giant "pimp goblet" from D.D., some purty wall hangins from Shaniqua and D., and a box o' stuff from 5 Dolla. But the funny s*** is that everything from 5 Dolla was USED. There was partially used deodorant, used socks, used foot lotion, and a pre-burnt candle set. Damn, 5 Dolla! Girl, you coulda just got me a card. Now you gonna go around being all stank because you gave up your deodorant! HA! I'm still gonna use that s*** though.

Here go the pimp goblet:
So, then after Santy Clauz Day came New Years Eve, the most magical day of the year. I wish I could remember more of it, but somebody spiked my pimp goblet with a magical brew that tasted like scrawberry kool-aid, but apparently had a bit more potency. Doh! I wore my fancy goat-hair collar, and I got new slippers with hearts on them at the Dollar Store at the West Oaks Mall (you know, that one by JC Penney), but they fell apart after one night of dancing with D.D., Ben Ben, 5 Dolla, and the rest of them crazy kids!

"Air it out, air it out!"

I shouldn't tell ya'll this, but Ben Ben's momma made that kimono out of the living room curtains:
Ain't that amazing??? Ben Ben is Asian Scarlett O'Hara, ya'll!!! Anyway, we all got our dance on, and ran wild through the fields of Apopka for one grand evening at Ground Zero, toasting at midnight with only the very finest, Martini & Rossi Asti Spumanti. Yee ha!

Merry Holidays from Miami Beach!

2006-12-22T11:58:00.000-05:00

If U lived here, U wouldn't be freezing your dry, crusty toes off, suckas! Only a few more days until people start passing out glasses of free champagne. Woo hoo! I'll take 10, thanks. Here's wishing that for 2007, JT (and/or the new James Bond) finally comes to his senses and asks W.C. on a date. May all your dreams come true, and may I finally pay off that "grill" I got on layaway at the Beall's Outlet in Apopka, before they go outta style!

W.C. hearts James

2006-11-20T13:38:00.000-05:00

HOOTCHIES! HANDS OFF! That's my new man you're all hugged up on. And I do mean MAN. That's not to disrespect Young Justin Timberlake, who certainly ain't a little kid no more, but THIS man is a GROWN-ASS MAN. His name is James Bond, and I done seen him in a movie this weekend without his clothes on! Whoo hoo!

IMPOSTER!!!

2006-11-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it??? An imposter, a pretender, a fake, a phony has played an awful trick on poor W.C.! SOMEBODY done put on W.C.'s wig, glasses, goat-hair collar, and then sent W.C. the taunting photographs, to document the VIOLATION!

The savvy perpetrator even used W.C.'s very own "tongue-stuck-out" move, LAWD! Do not let the clever pose fool you. This is not W.C.! This ain't W.C. either, although this is kinda how I look at myself in the mirror after I get my hair did:
W.C. would NEVER do this pose:
This just ain't fair, yo. W.C. feels so violated! Clearly the imposter had an accomplice. Anybody with TIPS on the identity of the imposter, you lemmeknow. Anonymous tips are OK, but you better *67 my ass, because I got caller I.D., bitches! I already have my suspicions, so certain "persons of interest" might wanna be careful at Thanksgiving this year, and watch they backs... Because they just MIGHT get a turkey leg up-side the head! To hell with The People's Court, that's what we call STREET JUSTICE!

On Halloween...

2006-10-31T23:21:00.000-05:00

The FREAKS come out, ya'll! Happy Halloween from South Beach!

WC also stands for White Castle

2006-10-25T17:53:00.000-04:00

Oh, HELL NO. Is that a wedding reception taking place AT the White Castle? Now, I ain't trying to hate on the Happy Couple or nothing. Not at all.

As a matter of fact, I sure do love me some White Castle. I like the way White Castle's initials are "W.C." like mine. Incidentally, the way we do things in the Dirty South is we have "KRYSTAL", which is basically the same thing, with similar food, but no castle-shaped building, and different color scheme. Now, as much as I LOOOOOOVE White Castle/Krystal, I would not celebrate anything there. Except a hangover!

Listen to me, Happy Couple... In the future, when celebrating, if you are hankering to have your event include those delectable little re-hydrated onions, get your Uncle Earl to GO down to the Krystal or White Castle as the case may be, and pick up the food. Or, just have your Momma make a casserole. I bet she'd be happy to help out.

That way, you don't have to deal with delicate little tiny burgers that have gotten SQUISHED INTO OBLIVION in the transit, when Uncle Earl stopped to get a "cold-drink" at the 7-11 on the way back. You KNOW that happens, people, and it can take a matter of MINUTES for the burgers to collapse into nothingness...

Krystal/White Castle burgers are ephemeral creatures, which is exactly what makes them so special...

Drink Yo-self Some WC

2006-10-20T00:07:00.000-04:00

Oh hell yes! Look at this FANCY drink I found in Publix that's named after ME, the one and only White Chocolate. Thank you, Mr. O'Reilly! Note that it's "imported" which means it's very, very fancy. My fave drink B4 now --- besides champagne, of course --- WAS Tequila Rose, because it tastes just like Strawberry YooHoo, but this new "W.C." drink is an interesting development indeed. Lawd! W.C. is blushing!

GHET-TOES, Exhibit #1

2006-09-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

Ooooh, those are some GHET-TOES! Don't go thinking those are MY toes, now. Boys and girls, you KNOW WC loves to get her toenails did, with some airbrush details and sparkles . Did you know they make press-on toe-nails? They do. They got them down at the Magik Mall. Perhaps this is what this crusty-toed subject needs. And perhaps shave down them corns. And most of all, a WAX!!! Yes, look closely people and see the HAIRS! Ooh, lawd!

I think this could be a continuing series. If you have a photo of some ghet-toes, email them to WC.

Tall Car: Dayuuum!

2006-09-18T19:37:00.000-04:00

WC was ridin' around on I-95 this past weekend, and lookie here at what she saw! In case you cain't read the yellow sign on the back, it says "How High Are You?" and WC suspects somebody was seriously in an altered state when they decided this was a good idea. As a side note, WC wanna meet the driver. He was lookin' sorta like a Puerto-Rican Justin Timberlake. Wooooooo!

WC needs to get her hair did

2006-09-13T16:07:00.000-04:00

HELP!!! I need to get my hair did! This is basically how it look right now, except more messed up. Yeah, I am still FINE and LOVELY. But I could be finer. I been to wigs.com, wigcompany.com, and some other places. I looked at different weaves, and braids, and styles... There are two problems: 1) Cain't decide. 2) Cain't afford. Oh hell, ya'll... Going to parties is fun, but it don't pay the rent, and neither do I... HA HA!

Seriously though, WC solicits your advice on which new hairstyle to choose... And uh.... donations will be accepted. There will be fundraisers! First, there gonna be a Kool-Aid, boiled p-nut, and Kash n' Karry cupcake sale, intermittantly, on the corner of Mercy and Colonial in Pine Hills, or Hwy 50 and Hwy 27 in Cleremont (wherever I can get a ride to). But don't make me resort to selling my *bling* on eBay, damn! This fundraising activity shall continue until I reach my goal of fabulous new hair... SHOW YOUR SUPPORT, bitches!

GHETT-O-METER: Quiz yoself, fool!

2006-09-11T20:22:00.000-04:00

Somebody emailed this quiz to W.C...

1. You've ever used an album cover for a dustpan. (5 points)
ANYTHING FLAT CAN BE USED AS A DUSTPAN. Be creative: Think outside the box, yo!

2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street. (10 points)
Wearing shoes is overrated. I loooooove my platforms, but that Payless junk be cutting into my corns if I dance on'em too long. Plus, shoes are the single biggest cause of toe-jam. I say, only wear shoes when you going out to da clu b. Or someplace like the corner store, cause they floor is sticky. Eww! When I saw pictures of Britney at Texaco in the bathroom without shoes on I wanted to turn that girl over my knee. Girl! That's nasty!

3. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
Nope, don't know whatchoo talking about, but I do know that $1.06 @ the 7-11 = 20 Fireballs! Lawdy that's HOT! We had to buy candy that lasted a long time.

4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
All I am gonna say is a peach switch stings, yo! Ooow!

5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school. (2 points)
Only when I missed that damned bus because I couldn't get the damned pig to go into the damned crate.

6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5 points)
Palmolive, you're soaking in it! If it makes bubbles, it counts as a bubble bath, don't it????????

7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made (5 points).
Naaaahhh.... I wait for somebody elses' ass to mix up the kool aid and then I drink it up! HA HA HA!

8. If you have ever played any of the following games: hide and go seek, freeze, tag, Momma may I? or red light/green light. (2 points each)
Yeah, so what!?

9. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell)
This is one of da things in my life that is a painful, painful memory. We lived in da woods, and i could HEAR the ice cream man THROUGH the woods... A haunting, echoing melody... No ice cream for poor little W.C... Poh-bray-cee-tah!

10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5 points)
Hell no. Who says that? Clearly, it's "Nowerladers." NOWERLADERS, got it!?

11. If you've ever run from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
Nawwww, you gotta play NICE with the po-po.

12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove. (5 points + 15 if you still do it)
Hell No! Dust and nastiness gets into your bacon grease if you do that. You GOTTA keep yo grease in the FRIGIDAIRE or FREEZER. Put a little on collard greens, mustard greens, turnip greens, pot of beans, fried eggs, really anything tastes better with a little bacon grease added to it.

13. The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
So?! Tape was invented for a fricken reason, wasn't it!?

14. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge.
Whatever they spray on you when you walk through Macy's. It's called Chanel "Gratis"...

15. You've ever used Tussy. (5 points)
I don't even know what that is, but it SOUNDS dirty. Who wrote this quiz???

16. You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)
Gimme the gas....!!!

17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man, Kay-Kay, lee-lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, etc.(10 points)
BEN BEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

18. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
No comment.

19. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
This question is too vague. What constitutes "house shoes"? Shoes are shoes. And how far out of the house constitutes being outside of the house??? If I am standing on my front steps, or out in the yard, or walking down the street right quick to borrow some milk, that's not really leaving home.

20. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt,ruint, etc.) (5 points)
WC SEZ: Linguistic creativity is a good thing. HA HA, ya'll didn't think I could bust out with a work like "linguistic" did ya'll?? Gimme some credit, yo, I watch those cable-access classes when I get home from my parties.... Hypotenuse, bitches!

21. You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people ( for example Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em). (5 points)
Whatever. What you tryin to say, Quiz-Writer? You trying to call me ghetto???

22. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (5points)
It's STILL A TIRE. If it ain't flat, it's a tire. DAMN. The car drives the same, so what's the problem?!

23. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (10 points)
I ain't got no kids!!! I do like to carry a pacifier, made of grape, cherry, or sour apple candy. If it fell on the ground, I would run it under the water-hose for a minute.

24. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10 points)
Hell no. My hair goes on the wig-haid when I am done with it.

25. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)
That's a compliment to the chef if you take they food with you.

26. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5 points)
I stopped getting my nails did long after I poked myself in the eye that time when I wuz dancing.

27. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (10 points)
No gold teeth: They don't look good in photographs.

28. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (15 points)
No kids. Oh my goodness, you imagine a WC Jr.? I'ma skerred.

29. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
How else can I know who been calling here and hanging up?

30. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
How the hell do I know who is alive and daid? Shoot, he could be either one. I ain't SEEN him daid.

31. If you are going to have to use a calculator to add your points. (25points)
WC refuses to tally up these points. WC *transcends* all labels. EVERYBODY got a little bitta ghetto in'em anyway. And you KNOW this!

....Now the results totals, according to WC.....

0 - 50 points - I say weave, you immediately think fabric...
51 - 75 points - You would not think of Dollar Tree as a solid starting place when shopping for your underwear and/or shoes.
76 - 150 points - Your closet holds a head-to-toe Fendi signature print outfit. And you have worn all of it, together.
150 points or more - You best meet WC down at the Magik Mall this weekend, so we can get our hair did.

The Pole: A Lesson in Stank

2006-08-23T08:09:00.000-04:00

Professor W.C. here. Lemme give ya'll a lesson in how to THROW DOWN SOME STANK. Now, I ain't talking about no "literal" stank. STANK is a mood, a state of mind. HARNESS the POWER of the STANK, and use it for good, not for evil.

Take, for example, the occasion of the installation of The Pole at G.Z. (for those of you who ain't in the know, "G.Z." stands for Ground Zero, a special party-spot located in Florida. A craygee lady named "Wild Oats" is the proprietor, but it's a private V.I.P. establishment, so don't go trying to seek it out. INVITATION ONLY, BITCHES! But the FL G.Z. existed years before the new G.Z. in N-Why-C, and the Florida G.Z. has nothing to do with airplanes, or towers, or putting a jihad on anybody's ass)... Oh, except maybe for the time when a bottle-rocket put a jihad on a certain party-goer's ass... but that's a discussion for another time....

Back to STANK, and The Pole: When The Pole became installed at G.Z., for the festivities surrounding the recent birthday of Wild Oats, W.C. just HAD to throw down some stank (see photographic evidence). Now, this is for professionals, friends. You might wanna practice this at home in front of the mirror before you go exhibiting STANK out in public. To really get down, one must allow the STANK to take over. One must give oneself over to the STANK. Become ONE with the stank. You can do it. Plentiful "Natural Ice" beer and good music helps. W.C. can help, too.... If you want to know more about the secrets of stank, but need help getting your STANK on, or you just need advice, give W.C. a shout: emailWC@gmail.com.

WC at the Zoo

2006-07-16T07:27:00.000-04:00

"Hey CAMEL! Whatcha gonna do with all that water, all that water inside those humps? My humps, my humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely camel lumps, check it out!"

REHAB

2006-06-17T08:46:00.000-04:00

Yo, check out the pic, people: Beck's NON-ALCOHOLIC beer. See? Rehab worked. I ain't no alcoholic. But I am a non-alcoholic-holic. That near-beer stuff tastes good... I am addicted. Par-tay!

The Hamptons

2006-05-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Everything here is pastel, damn! Lilly Pulitzer? More like Lilly Puke-itzer. No joke, it's STANK. I only packed black, and bling. Since I, W.C., am in rehab up here (oh, did I forget to mention that to ya'll???--oops, my bad)... Yeah, because of the rehab I am not really allowed to sneak off the compound for any of the par-tays... But don't worry, I'll be back in action soon (shhh.....don't tell nobody).

Letter to Britney

2006-05-23T19:58:00.000-04:00

GIRL! This is W.C., Baby. I got LOTS to talk to you about. We got something in common girl, 'cause we both LOVE that man J.T., and sadly, both of us lost him.... You may not know this, but I lost him to my homegirl 5 Dolla, who made out with him when he was the tender age of 15... So that means I got a soft spot for you since neither of us can have him, at least whiles he gots that blonde GF.............

Anyway, moving on to the issue of the moment, HOW THE HELL you gonna dress like that, Girl?

FIRST: The cardinal rule of letting your thong hang the hell out of your jeans is that the thing best be sparkly, or make some kind of STATEMENT, other than: "Owww! Damn, I am getting streched the hell out, and it sho' stank in here!"

SECOND, your top and bra combination look like it ought to be on some drunk-ass lady wantin' a hot dog at 3:31 a.m. at the 24 Hour Wal-Mart in Apopka... Girl, you got money in your bank account! If you wanna wear a bra, go to the mall, and they got something called a "halter bra".... but we both know you got yourself some fake tay-tahs anyway, and don't *need* a bra, so wassup with that look? Seriously, Girl.

And THIRD, the worst of all, why the hell you didn't get your hair did before you left the house? All I ever see is your greasy roots, and stringy, multi-color highlights all balled up on yo' head. Assuming K-Fed ain't spent all your money on cheetos, you best be taking better care of yourself. Go get your corns shaved down, and your hair did (and Girl, I know where you can get a nice, purty wig if you don't wanna be fixin your hair all the time) . Then, go shopping at a NICE store. Take me with you, and you can buy me something glittery in exchange for the fashion advice!

Besides the fashion advice, I gotta ask you: Why the hell you gotta be dropping that baby all over the damned place? If you wanna take him with you all over tarnation, you can get yourself a backpack and strap the baby to yourself. Strap him in good! And Honey---this will be my final word of advice for today---be a smart girl and pour your gin and tonic into an Evian water bottle so folks can't point and laugh at your effin highball glass. Listen to W.C.! We'll get you back on track in no time.

Boat Party

2006-05-14T09:46:00.000-04:00

Hey ya'll, I was partying on this boat last night---NOT the boat in the picture, but the boat I am standing on taking a picture of that little-ass boat down there... HA HA! Who CARES if it was gambling cruise ship? BINGO, mutha-flunkas!

Burger King = Hot

2006-05-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

This is who I want for my boyfriend, since Justin Timberlake is still messing around with that trick CD. My new boyfriend is tall, he has a crown, he plays football, and he is now single since he broke up with the brown-haired hootchie in this pic. His name is Mr. B. King, and guess what the best part is gonna be? I'm-a get free nugg-ets, I'm-a get free nugg-ets!

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

2006-04-27T13:06:00.000-04:00

WC went and got her party on last night, oh yes she did. The party was fan-fricken-tastic, something to do with Tibetans... the Krishnas were there playing music (but no JT tunes, boo hoo), there was a fire-dancing chick, and a DJ, and lots of silent auction stuff to bid on... WC bid on lots and lots of stuff, using The Guv's name as a joke! Ha ha ha! WC got her picture took, but wished she had gotten her hair did.

2006 Already?

2006-03-29T20:18:00.000-05:00

What the hell happened to 2005??? The only thing I remember is getting my "hair did" for New Years Eve and the Butt Blaster Blowout @ GZ. I think I might have had a blast. Not sure. Woke up with seriously dirty-ass feet, blisters, and some nacho-and-champagne breath. Now it's 2006, and where are all the good parties at? My homie 5 Dolla's birthday is this weekend, though, so I plan to get my groove on. You hear that, 5 Dolla??? Par-tay.

2006-03-29T20:17:00.000-05:00

White Chocolate and a bunch of other crazy bitches getting their party on!

Nails Done, Hair Did

2006-03-29T19:56:00.000-05:00

White Chocolate, the early days.

Introduction

2005-09-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

This is where White Chocolate comes to speak her mind. W.C. needed some sort of outlet for her extra energy... Let's party, beyotches!